


Untitled

by everythingisintoxicating



Category: Demi Lovato (Musician), Jennel Garcia - Fandom, X Factor (US) RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-11-25 07:20:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingisintoxicating/pseuds/everythingisintoxicating
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drew is more interested in Jennel than Jennel is in Drew. Demi comes up with a way to convince Drew that Jennel isn't interested, but does Jennel end up taking their charade a bit too seriously?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

1.

Jennel liked to think of herself as a likeable person: friendly, approachable. She stood out when she was in Massachusetts. Before the X Factor fame, before her name was broadcasted into millions of American living rooms twice a week, she was well known and well liked within her own little comfortable community of Rochester. She’d always been just a little bit crazy- the only dancer in her company to ever get kicked out of a grocery store for racing a friend through the isles in a shopping cart. The only one in her family to forgo the four year college plan and throw herself wholeheartedly toward her dreams instead. So when Jennel didn’t stand out anymore, when she wasn’t the crazy one in a family full of sequined eye patches and spiked headgear, it was disconcerting, to say the least.

Jennel’s first impressions of the contestants had been drawn up when they all performed in Florida, during boot camp. There were dozens and dozens of acts, so much talent that wasn’t even acknowledged on camera, and Jennel managed to get herself tied in with Willie Jones, an anomaly of a kid, and Cece Frey, who was reckless and unpredictable. While she was somewhat in awe of Cece, Jennel and Willie became fast friends. In reality, it was strange that Jennel and Willie had ended up friends considering the differences between the two: they didn’t have the same taste in music (at all), they didn’t agree on fashion or style, they didn’t have similar lifestyles. The friendship broke every law of social sciences, but it was strong, and when Willie went home, Jennel lost a lifeline.

The girls in the Young Adults category should have all been friends, in theory. They were all around the same age, and they all had different styles of music, something that made the competition just a little less awkward. Jennel had befriended Cece during bootcamp, a relationship that strengthened after the loss of Willie, but she hadn’t ever become close with Paige, the third of the girls in her age group. Paige was a mother, and Paige was a few years older than Jennel and Cece were, she was even a few years older than Demi. Paige was worried about Paige, and once that became apparent to the other contestants, there was a significant decrease in efforts made to befriend her. Jennel instead ended up forging an unlikely bond with her mentor, Demi. And this is where Jennel was stuck. She was unable to pinpoint whether this relationship was purely professional, and if Demi was only concerned with Jennel, the contestant, rather than with Jennel, the girl. This was the most logical conclusion to come to, but occasionally Demi would drop little ‘how are you doing?’s that sounded so heartfelt that Jennel would get confused and question whether maybe they had a real friendship. The prospect of it blew Jennel’s mind. She wasn’t sure what she thought X Factor auditions would entail, but she definitely never imagined that she’d be on casual speaking terms with the smiley starlet on the judging panel.

There were few other contestants around Jennel’s age, the most notable ones being Emblem 3. The Stromburg brothers were cute, humble, and just excited to be there. Drew was the complete opposite- loud, cocky, and determined to win the whole thing. The three of them together were likable enough, and Drew, in all his obnoxious, textbook douchebag glory, was actually an okay guy… sometimes. Becoming friends with Drew wasn’t something that Jennel consciously accomplished- and the first memory she can remember of interacting with him probably includes some sort of stupid joke that pulled a pity laugh out of her. He was flirty by nature, and Jennel and Cece enjoyed toying with the boys after Drew had been made clearly aware that no, he didn’t  _ actually _  have a chance.

There was a long-running inside joke between Drew and the girls- a discussion about their senior proms and how much of a nightmare everyone’s was brought about a dramatic reenactment on a boring night. There was next to nothing to do in the mansion, and Drew had taken on the persona of an awkward gawky highschooler one night, spending the entire night in character and dragging the joke out for as long as it was funny, and just a bit past that. He proceeded to embarrass himself in every way possible attempting to ask Cece- or, as her name had somehow morphed into,  _ Tammy _ , -to be his date. She accepted flamboyantly, at which point Jennel butted in, protesting.

“Wait wait wait, you’re asking her to prom? What makes up for  _ my _  shitty prom experience then? I’m not going to prom alone.” Jennel crossed her arms jokingly. Drew was on his knees, holding one of Cece’s hands between his own, and looking thoughtful. He pivoted on his knees to face Jennel, holding Cece’s hand in his own left one, before outstretching his right hand toward Jennel.

“Will you please accompany me to this prom that we have just invented… Also?” He asked, barely holding in a laugh. And so Jennel pulled him to his feet and she and Cece dramatically threw their arms around his neck, talking over each other and drowning him in endless sarcastic chatter about dresses and corsages and the acceptable height of dancing heels.

That had been two weeks earlier, and the joke was still making appearances here and there. When Jennel had been on her way to a mentoring session, she ran into Emblem 3 on their way out. Drew had made a show of stopping in the middle of the hallway to kiss the back of Jennel’s hand, before laughing and making off with the Stromburg brothers, calling something over his shoulder about picking her up at 8. Jennel smiled and continued on with her business as normal. Two days later, Drew snuck up behind Jennel backstage during rehearsals and picked her up, carrying her to hair and makeup wedding-style. Several other little flirty gestures all based around the original prom joke later, Jennel began to feel just a bit strange about Drew. He passed Cece as often as he passed Jennel, but he wasn’t throwing himself all over Cece the way he was Jennel. The last straw came when Demi began noticing things.

Drew had intercepted Jennel in the hallway on her way to meet Demi, and carried her into the room, daintily setting her down and leaving with a sarcastic little bow. Jennel blushed, more out of embarrassment that Demi had witnessed the entire thing than because Drew had been carrying her. Demi raised one eyebrow casually.

“You and Drew…?” Demi asked, the question left unsaid ringing clear to Jennel.

“No, not at all.” Jennel pushed out a little too quickly. “We kind of had this inside joke going on, and to be honest, I’m ready for it to be over.”

Demi smiled a small smile, her eyes giving away her amusement. “Maybe he didn’t realize it was a joke.”

Jennel’s eyes widened. “Oh God, I hope he doesn’t think we were being serious. Turning him down is just going to be awkward.”

“He doesn’t look like the kind of guy who accepts rejection very well.” Demi chuckled.

Jennel just nodded her head in agreement, sighing at the situation that she might be faced with. And that was that, and Demi and Jennel dove right into working on Jennel’s vocals, the light cues, and everything else that was incorporated into the performance coming in just a few days.

The following week was busier than Jennel could have ever imagined, and she saw very little of Drew. She wasn’t complaining. That Saturday, X Factor hosted a private little party for the contestants and the judges- a get together big enough to be relaxing and not feel like work, but small enough that they held it in one of the bigger conference rooms of the complex they performed at during the week. Cameras weren’t present, and the contestants were free to socialize as they pleased, rather than being pressured to flit from camera to camera, giving interview after interview. Jennel was engrossed in a conversation with Simon and the girls of Fifth Harmony when she felt an arm snake uncomfortably around her neck.

“Hello darling.” Drew’s sarcastic voice drawled out, too close to her ear.

“I’m sorry, but did I give your contestants permission to flirt with my contestants?” The comment was aimed towards Simon, and Demi’s voice was appearing and breaking through Jennel’s irritation.

“I do believe the contestants are free to do as they wish, regardless of what control you think you have over them.” Simon’s accent did nothing to mask his thick sarcasm.

“Did Jennel not tell you? We’re going to prom together.” Drew spoke too loudly, pulling Jennel into an awkward hug as he addressed Demi. Demi’s eyes flicked down to where Jennel was carefully extracting Drew’s arm from around her shoulders, and she smiled.

“Now what made you think you could take my gorgeous girl to prom?” The words came out past a devious looking smirk, and Demi slipped an arm around Jennel’s waist, turning them both to face Drew straight on. “Maybe she’s not available.”

Jennel tried not to giggle out loud as she watched confusion, realization, then finally discomfort wash over Drew’s face. He tried to play off his loss for words with a quick little comment about ‘not knowing Jennel swung that way’ before he retreated, looking every bit like he’d just been beaten at his own game.

Jennel turned toward Demi, whose arm was still wrapped around her waist, and she was opening her mouth to get out the beginning of a ‘thank you’ when Simon interjected with his usual teasing remarks.

“So now you flirt with the female contestants too? I really do wish you could exercise some self-control, Demi.” The comment brought a light blush to the cheeks of the Fifth Harmony girls, but Demi took it all in stride, never missing a beat.

Demi’s voiced dripped with sarcasm as she replied with, “Upset that I get more women than you do, Mr. Cowell?” This caused Fifth Harmony to break into laughter.

“Get out of here, Brat.” Simon laughed, dismissing Demi with a wave of his hand.

“Of course. Jennel and I have some making out to do in the corner anyway.” Demi shot back as she turned to walk away, forever determined to get the last word in. Unlinking her arm from around Jennel, she grabbed the younger girls hand and pulled her towards an empty space in the crowded room. Jennel was unfazed by Demi’s joking comments, although a small voice in the back of her head compared the situation to her miscommunications with Drew. She pushed the thought out of her head before it could manifest into something logical.

“Thank you for that.” Jennel said, smiling and meaning it.

“No problem. We’ve all had that one guy who just doesn’t quite catch on.” Demi smiled back, before going on her way.

xx

Drew hadn’t gotten the hint that night, but in his defense, Jennel hadn’t expected him to back off simply because Demi (jokingly) asked him to. Before the dinner, Jennel had had no defense when Drew flirted with her, but now, she had Demi. If she was around, Demi would counter Drew’s spontaneous actions with sly comments like, ‘Hey, no touching my girlfriend’ or ‘Oh, is Jennel pretending to play for your team again?’. Jennel had hoped that this bit of resistance might slow Drew down, but he was playing along as though he was having the time of his life. It wasn’t until Demi did something drastic that he started putting two and two together and legitimately backing off.

They were all wandering around backstage during dress rehearsals, and Demi had pulled Jennel to the side, where it was less crowded and they could hold an actual conversation.

“You think you’ve got the second part of the choreography down, right? If you need to change anything, this is your absolute last chance to do it.” When Demi was business, she was all business, and she was almost uncomfortably straightforward.

“No, no, I’ve got it. It’s all good.” Jennel answered confidently.

“Great.” Demi smiled her trademark smile and squeezed Jennel’s hand between both of her own, and was just about to make an exit when she spotted Drew making his way towards Jennel.

Jennel groaned loudly. “I really need to get this over with, once and for all.”

“I got you.” Demi said, winking deviously.

“Hey, Jennel,” Drew began, and Jennel knew something was off when he didn’t add any form of endearment or awkward hand-kissing to his greeting. Completely ignoring Demi’s presence, he started again, “Look, I was wondering if…” he trailed off for a moment, his eyes following Jennel’s hand, which was still locked between Demi’s. Looking like he was going to ignore it and continue on, Demi made her move.

“Um,” she whispered. “We’re kind of busy.”

“No, yeah, I totally get that. It’ll just take a second.” Drew brushed Demi’s comment off with a wave of her hand. Jennel watched Demi’s face turn vaguely amused- nobody dismissed her. Especially not Drew. Demi stepped closer to Jennel, whose back was against a wall. She positioned one of her legs between Jennel’s, pressing their bodies closer than what could be interpreted as ‘friendly’.

One of Demi’s hands fell to Jennel’s waist, while her other palm pressed flat against the wall next to Jennel’s head. She leaned down towards Jennel’s face, giving the illusion that she was going to kiss her, before addressing Drew again.

“I meant,” she began, her eyes stuck to Jennel’s lips. “We’re um,” Demi and Jennel both turned their heads to face Drew, their cheeks touching. “Pretty  _ busy. _ ” Demi repeated, her eyes narrowing, willing Drew to understand.

He blinked, looking stunned.

“Oh.” He said lamely. Then he turned, confused, and slowly walked away, too in shock to ask questions.

Jennel giggled as Demi pulled back, smiling wide and removing her hand from the wall.

“You’re welcome, rockstar.” Demi’s hand remained on Jennel’s waist, and she squeezed gently, a thumb accidentally slipping beneath Jennel’s shirt just before she turned and left.

A week later, Drew went out of his way to seek out Jennel and apologize for ever encroaching on her relationship with Demi- he swore up and down that he wouldn’t let their secret out, and Jennel was content with letting him believe that he held some top secret piece of knowledge in his thick skull.

Drew no longer bothered her, and this  _ should _  have meant that the little charade between Jennel and Demi could end. It didn’t. Demi would still spontaneously tangle her fingers with Jennel’s when they were walking next to each other- she still hugged her just a bit longer than what was standard for the average friendly hug. Demi still laughed and called Jennel little pet names, sometimes in front of Drew, but usually not. Nobody thought twice of the little nicknames, except for Jennel. Jennel always played along, always fell into Demi’s hugs and squeezed her hand back when they held hands, but she couldn’t help but question if maybe she should lay off for a while. It’s not that Demi’s teasing made Jennel uncomfortable, it just confused her. They were just friends- of that, Jennel was sure- but something about their relationship held a hint of something else. The biggest shift came one Thursday night, when Jennel and Demi were texting.

** Demi (10:32PM): You looked hot tonight ;) But really, you did great. So proud xoxo **

Jennel answered quickly with a:

** Thanks, hahaha you were looking incredible tonight too ;) **

Jennel refused to consciously acknowledge that they were flirting. First of all, she wasn’t into girls. Secondly, if it got to the point where messages couldn’t be explained away by ‘friendship,’ then they were taking their little joke way too far, and putting a lot at risk, as far as X Factor. But Jennel shook her head, because nothing serious enough to risk the show would happen. They might enjoy stretching the line between a joke and reality, but she would know when they were crossing a line, and she’d stop it.

** Demi (1:34PM): Aw thank you love 3 What’s up with youuuu? **

Jennel smiled at her phone. Demi texted her before and after performances sometimes, wanting to discuss potential changes or give congratulations, but she’d never asked Jennel such a casual question before. It made her feel like one of Demi’s close friends, and her heart fluttered gently in excitement.

** Not a whole lot. Just staying up forever and ever for no reason **

** Demi (1:37PM): Lol Jennel, go to sleep girl! **

Jennel considered agreeing, considered just taking Demi’s advice. But she knew all too well that she wouldn’t be sleeping tonight: she was still coming down from the adrenaline rush from performing earlier in the night, and she just couldn’t imagine herself falling asleep anytime soon. She opted to reply to Demi with honesty.

** Pshhh what is sleep **

** Demi (1:38PM): Honestly though **

** Demi (1:38PM): I don’t sleep either **

** If I get 5 hours it’s a good night **

** Demi (1:40PM): Well whatever shall we do to pass the time? ;) **

She blinked. Demi probably didn’t realize how… suggestively that could be interpreted. Should Jennel call her out on it? It being late, and Jennel’s judgement being not completely on point, she did.

** And just what is that winky face supposed to mean? ;) **

** Demi (1:43PM): Well generally they hold a sexual connotation **

** Demi (1:43PM): ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;;;;;;;;))))))))))) ;;))))) **

** Demi (1:44PM): ;;;)) ;) ;) ;) ;;)) **

Jennel snorted. Demi was such a child sometimes.

** Slut **

** Demi (1:46PM): Hmm I didn’t hear you complaining when I got Drew off your back **

** Speaking of which, he vowed to keep ‘our little secret.’ That was risky lol **

** Demi (1:47): Whatever, it worked ;D **

** I really thought you were about to kiss me hahaha **

Jennel sent it without thinking, then cringed. She wasn’t sure if it was okay to be alluding to the backstage incident from the week earlier. Was it one of those things they could laugh about together, or was it one of those things that they’d both pretend never happened?

** Demi (1:46PM): I thought he wasn’t going to catch on! I was about to have to push you up against the wall to make my point **

Jennel read the message, and her eyes grew wide. Her stomach did little flips when she reminded herself that this was  _ Demi  _ that she was texting. She read the message again, dropping the phone facedown onto her own stomach, and focusing her eyes on the ceiling above her bunk. Was Demi being serious? She knew that Jennel wasn’t…  _ into  _ girls, right? It took a moment for it to even occur to Jennel that Demi wasn’t into girls either. As far as she knew. Jennel’s fingers tapped out a response quickly and efficiently, the panic inside of her drowning out the butterflies.

** Whoa, whaaaaatt **

She tried not to sound as surprised as she was, and she was trying to mask how big of a deal it felt like. Demi’s reply was taking forever.

** Demi (1:52PM): Kidding Jennel, kidding **

Jennel breathed a deep sigh of relief. If she had had to turn Demi down, like  _ that _ , it would have been excruciatingly awkward. The panic inside her had mostly fled. Jennel was reasoning out the situation in her head and was just quelling the little jolt of electricity that Demi’s words had sent through her when her phone buzzed again. She unlocked it to find two new messages that only contributed to the complications;

** Demi (2:20PM): ..or was i? **

** Demi (2:20PM): ;) **


	2. Two

2.

_             They were at live shows, backstage. Jennel had already gone, but she couldn’t remember what song she’d just performed. She remembered how loud the crowd was cheering. She remembered that Demi liked it, and she remembered exactly the way Demi was looking at her from the other side of that judges’ table as she performed. Predatory. _

_             And then Jennel was in Demi’s dressing room, a place she recognized although she’d never been there before. And Demi was clicking the door shut, stalking over to Jennel in heels that were way too tall. But wasn’t Demi supposed to be out there, judging? The show wasn’t over yet. But they kiss, hard, and fast. Jennel can feel herself desperately pushing into the kiss, and she’s trying to get her hands on either side of Demi’s face but nothing is making sense and her vision is blurry and all she knows is that this is the best kiss she’s experienced in her nineteen years of living. And all she wants is more: more kissing, more touching, more Demi. She pulls Demi’s shirt off faster than should be possible, ridding herself of her own unconsciously. Demi must have gotten her own pants off while Jennel wasn’t paying attention, because then this gorgeous creature is standing in front of her in only a bra and some little panties, and Jennel just wants to touch her everywhere. They end up on a couch, and Demi’s on top and Jennel is almost naked. She keeps trying to create skin on skin contact, hugging the older girl to her as they kiss. And the kiss isn’t just kissing; it feels full of lust and want and just over the top. _

_             Demi’s kissing Jennel’s collarbone, her chest, her stomach, and then her lips travel lower and her tongue comes out to press between Jennel’s legs, and when Jennel looks down to see both of her hands tangled into dark brown waves, she barely has time to process the situation before she’s blindsided by a feeling of pleasure stronger than she’s ever known. _

__

__ Jennel woke up slowly, her body feeling heavy and hot all over. She was on her stomach, one arm tucked underneath the pillow that her face was pressed against, the other arm hanging haphazardly over the edge of her top bunk. She blinked once, the room blinding her still light-sensitive eyes. She felt like she was blushing, and struggled for a moment to remember why. Then the dream came flooding back and she turned facedown into her pillow, trying to forget. She pulled the arm out from beneath her pillow and flipped herself over, feeling something solid and uncomfortable under her neck. Then Jennel remembered the text messages, the flirting with Demi- she remembered falling asleep last night with her fingers curled around her phone, which had somehow ended up underneath her as she slept.

            Jennel fell into a minor anxiety attack. She’d just had a… very enjoyable sex dream about Demi. Her mind raced and she starting wondering what it could mean. She knew sexuality was fluid, but not _hers._ She was straight, and having some sort of wet dream about her extremely attractive mentor wouldn’t change that. She’d even admit that Demi was, honestly, _really fucking hot_. She was straight, but she wasn’t blind. She closed her eyes again, sighing in exasperation and letting herself sag back down onto her bed. She didn’t want to think about the reasoning behind the blush that covered her chest and her cheeks, behind the arousal that was abundantly clear between her legs. Eyes closed, conscience fading, Jennel fell back into a hazy dream. It was too early for this.

            _Jennel’s in a mentoring session, and Demi’s looking incredible. Jennel’s singing, and Demi’s talking to her and then they’re not in the mentoring room anymore, and Jennel doesn’t know where they are but Demi’s hand is pushed down Jennel’s pants and Demi’s lips are on Jennel’s neck and she-_

__

__ Jennel jerked awake and let out a shaky breath. A quick check of her phone confirmed that she’d only been asleep for 12 minutes since she last woke up; it was almost 9 in the morning. She sat up and covered her face with her hands- rubbing her temples and trying to understand what was going on.

            Texting Demi last night, the flirting and the suggestive messages, that was her biggest mistake. She’d had dreams before that incorporated aspects of her life, things she’d heard about or seen that her brain felt like it needed to file away for reference later. Jennel told herself that she didn’t actually want to have sex with Demi, she had just been exposed to the thought of it, something her brain decided to latch onto and turn into an alternate reality. She’d been thinking about having sex with Demi last night, but only because of Demi’s teasing texts. And that is what conclusion Jennel ended up coming to, and convincing herself of.

            It was Friday, and Jennel had the day off after two days of performances and hard work. Most of the contestants just stayed home on Fridays, because the live shows took more out of you than most people realized. The mansion stayed crowded, everyone spent their day lounging around and ordering food, and a few of them didn’t bother waking up until the day was already half over. Jennel climbed down from her top bunk, not even bothering to be quiet. Cece was passed out below her, and would be dead to the world until at least lunchtime. Pulling on a hoodie and some little cotton shorts, Jennel padded down the stairs and towards the kitchen, phone in hand. She pulled herself up onto one of the stools around the counter, propping her elbows on the counter and twisting left and right in her chair as she unlocked her phone.

            A notification was tacked onto the corner of her ‘messages’ icon, and she smiled wistfully as she read the text message. When she’d still lived in Massachusetts, she had weather alerts sent to her phone, and today, hundreds of miles away, there was a 70% chance of rain in Rochester. The little reminder of home pulled at Jennel’s heart as she slipped her phone into her pocket and hopped off of the stool, aiming herself straight for the refrigerator.

            When they first moved in, the kitchen had been stocked with newly bought food. Jennel crossed her fingers that it was being restocked, she really didn’t feel like ordering food or going out. She pulled the fridge open and wasn’t disappointed: there were fruits and vegetables and prepacked salads, sandwiches, cold pastas, and any other basic food that could be packaged into single-serving sizes. She was contemplating whether or not to check the freezer and maybe cook something when she heard giggling coming from down the hallway.

            Giggling followed Fifth Harmony wherever they went, although none of the other contestants ever actually knew what it was that the girls were laughing at. Jennel could hear the girls getting closer but didn’t expect the sudden appearance of Camila from around the corner. She must have been running ahead of the rest of the girls, because when she rounded the corner she was moving too fast to stop herself from sliding on socked feet directly into Jennel. There was a collision and a lot of laughing as Camila wrapped both arms around Jennel’s shoulders, trying to steady them on a slippery hardwood floor.

            “Sorry!” Camila offered as she pulled back, still laughing.

            “Good morning to you too,” Jennel smiled brightly. Sometimes she needed the innocence of a giggly fifteen year old to brighten her day.

            “I just wanna eaaaaaaatttt,” Camila sing-songed as she pulled a box of cereal from a cabinet above her head, and grabbed a gallon of milk from the fridge that Jennel had opened.

            The rest of the girls made it into the kitchen as Camila was already pouring cereal into a bowl, dancing around and humming a song to herself that she seemed to have made up on the spot. Lauren sat on the stool Jennel had been on earlier- laughing at Camila and shaking her head. Dinah looked like she didn’t want to be bothered- her hair messy with sleep and her expression unhappy. Jennel guessed that the other girls had woken Dinah up against her will. Normani was the only one of the girls who looked like she planned on going out- with Arin, she explained as she waved goodbye to everyone in the kitchen and wandered off to unite with her (not) boyfriend.

            Jennel had found chocolate chip muffins pushed towards the back of a counter, and was considering making a grab for one when she realized that something was missing. Her eyebrows furrowed as she counted the girls in the kitchen.

            “Where’s Ally?” She questioned.

            Camila rolled her eyes playfully and tried to speak through a mouth full of cereal. “ _Wo codent_ -” Lauren reached over and covered Camila’s mouth with her hand, cutting her off.

            “Those weren’t even real words.” Lauren laughed to Camila. She turned towards Jennel. “We couldn’t get her up. The girl sleeps like a rock.”

            Jennel smiled and nodded in understanding. “Cece slept through me falling out of my bunk once.” The girls laughed before quickly falling back into casual conversations.

            Jennel felt her phone buzz through the fabric of her sweatshirt. Another weather update for Rochester. She closed the message, staring at the list of recent message conversations. The second line read **Demi** in bold, with Demi’s last message just beneath it. Jennel’s stomach did a little flip as she clicked Demi’s name and reread the conversation from the night before. She considered texting her this morning, but what would she say? Without thinking, Jennel typed out a

            **Good morningggggg :)**

            before she caught herself and realized that good morning texts ran a little deeper than the casual relationship that she shared with Demi. Last night had been the first time they ever texted about something unrelated to X Factor, and Jennel didn’t want to push it. She erased the little message and clicked her phone off, slipping it back into her pocket. Maybe she’d text Demi later today. Maybe not. At that moment Keaton popped his head around the corner.

            “Hey, we’re ordering a pizza. You guys want anything?” He asked the group of girls in the kitchen.

            Lauren made a face. “Ew, at 9:30 in the morning?”

            “Uh, yeah.” Keaton answered, looking genuinely confused as to why pizza for breakfast might strike some people as odd.

            Camila pointed at Keaton with one hand, the other holding the spoon to her second bowl of cereal. “Yes!” she exclaimed as she finished swallowing. “Get me pepperoni!”

            Jennel shook her head, assuring Keaton that she didn’t need pizza for breakfast, and made her way towards the lounge that she used to frequent with Willie. She clicked the TV on to some run of the mill police drama, and sat back into the couch, pulling out her phone and typing out another message to Demi. She erased it before she got together the courage to send it. Texting famous people was so stressful.

            Jennel reached for the remote to change the channel, and her phone buzzed. Her breath caught for a fraction of a second as she saw that the message was from Demi.

            **Demi (9:41AM): yeeeeeessssss?**

****

**** Jennel blinked in confusion. She hadn’t sent anything to Demi this morning, and the last message in the conversation was from Demi. She typed back a quick ‘ **?** ’. The response came quickly.

            **Demi (9:42): lol I can see when you’re typing Jennel. I know you just typed something & erased it**

****

**** Jennel’s eyes widened in panic. Not only was she insecure about texting Demi, Demi knew it. She tried frantically to think of some lie to make up, not wanting to admit that she almost sent her mentor a cutesy good morning text. She was wracking her brain for good excuses when something occurred to her.

**             Well if you already had our conversation open then I think YOU were the one about to text ME, no? **

****

            Jennel reread her own message before tacking a winking smiley face onto the end of it, lightening the serious question behind her words.

            **Demi (9:45AM): Aaaah you got me :l**

**             Demi (9:45AM): Honestly… **

**             Demi (9:46AM): I was trying to decide whether or not it would be inappropriate for me to ask you if you wanted to hang out today **

**** Jennel’s heart leaped. She tried to fight the smile that her face broke into, but it was impossible. She tried to play it cool, and sent a silent thanks to God that she wasn’t with Demi in person- she’d make a fool of herself smiling like an idiot. 

            **And what did you decide? ;)**

****

            **Demi (9:47AM): the better question is where is your sudden winky face usage coming from? ;)**

**             Demi (9:48AM): but I decided it wouldn’t be inappropriate … as long as nobody found out lol **

****

            Jennel considered her options. Hanging out with Demi, which she wasn’t even 100% sure she wanted to do after last night’s dreams, meant sneaking around. Jennel wasn’t a great liar. She chewed her bottom lip, trying to come up with a better solution.

            **What if you just came and hung out here at the mansion? To… ‘work with your contestants’**

****

**** She told herself that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to see Demi, but she sent the message without hesitation. It occurred to Jennel that subconsciously, she  needed to see the older girl.

            **Demi (9:51AM): be there sooooooonn**

****

**** And then Jennel was sprinting into her room, trying to decide how she could make herself look attractive in the 20 minutes she probably had until Demi got there.

            It was closer to 10, because Demi speeds.

            Wesley answered the door, expecting the pizza guy, and looked completely confused when he found Demi Lovato standing there instead. Jennel made it down the stairs just in time to hear Demi feeding Wesley some half-assed excuse about extra practice with Jennel.

            “Okay, whatever. You guys have fun.” He offered, friendly and unquestioning.

            “Hey,” Jennel beamed, receiving a quick hug from Demi. She explained to Demi that there wasn’t a whole lot of anything going on in the house today, apologizing for the lack of things to do.

            “Got us covered.” Demi smiled, pulling a stack of thin DVD’s from the massive purse slung over her shoulder. She grabbed Jennel’s hand, pulling her along as she began making her way toward the lounge, having been in the mansion a few times before.

            Drew appeared out of nowhere.

            “Wes was that the pizza…?” his voice trailed off as he raised an eyebrow and took in the sight of Demi and Jennel’s linked hands.

            “Um…” Jennel felt like she’d just been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to.

            “I’m here for…” Demi began, stumbling a bit over her words. “Next week. Working on next week’s performance. You know.” She didn’t give Drew time to respond before she turned and pulled Jennel the rest of the way into the lounge.

            Demi laughed as she flopped down onto the couch and Jennel groaned as she fell into place next to her, crossing her legs and facing Demi.

            “It’s gonna be awkward around him for the rest of my life.” Jennel whined.

            “Yeah, but you get to pretend that we’re dating, so that should make up for it.” Demi punctuated the statement with a wink that sent a tiny shiver through Jennel. She still wasn’t used to this kind of fake-flirting. “Alright, which one first, _babe_?” Demi asked, fanning out the DVDs on the little coffee table in front of them and gesturing them as though she was a game show host presenting a prize.

            “Not _Le Mis_. I secretly kind of hate musicals.” Jennel admitted. Demi gasped, pretending to clutch at her heart in horror.

            “Je _nnel._ Who hates musicals?!”

            “Sorry…” Jennel said sheepishly. She blushed lightly, looking down at her hands, which were folded neatly in her lap. She felt the hand on her bare knee before she saw it, and her skin burned as Demi spoke.

            “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Demi punctuated her words with a slight rub of her hand, the consoling gesture holding a much different meaning to Jennel, who was praying that her blush wouldn’t give away her discomfort. “So… romance, horror, thriller… or comedy?”

            Jennel bit her lip, weighing the pros and cons of each. Romance meant that it might get the tiniest bit awkward, what with Jennel’s weird dreams and the just-barely-flirty text messages.  Horror was risky. Jennel was okay with some scary movies, and completely terrified by others. It might be embarrassing if she ended up getting too into a scary movie. She decided to play it safe. “Comedy.”

            “Comedy it is.” Demi agreed, getting up off of the couch to slip Bridesmaids into the DVD player. “Have you seen this?” She asked Jennel, bending over to adjust the volume on the television.

            “Um…” Jennel tried hard not to focus on Demi’s ass as she bent over. She realized Demi was still waiting for an answer. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ve seen it more than once, I think.”

            “I’ve seen it like four times,” Demi admitted. “But I’ll probably still laugh like it’s the first time.”

            As it turned out, Demi’s prediction was completely on point. Jennel laughed almost more than she had the first time she’d seen the movie, simply because Demi’s laugh was infectious, and if Jennel was being honest, so _cute._ By the time the credits began rolling, Jennel and Demi were leaned into each other on the couch, both wiping tears from their eyes.

            “Literally _never_ gets old.” Demi pressed out through giggles. Jennel agreed, standing up to stretch. She lifted her arms above her head, well aware of the little strip of her stomach that her sweatshirt exposed, internally smirking as she watched Demi’s eyes fall to her bare skin.

            “It’s not even noon.” Jennel said, sounding surprised.

            “Good, we can do the scary movie next then.” Demi replied. Jennel made a face.

            “Do we have to?” She groaned.

            “Jennel Garcia, do you hate musicals _and_ scary movies?” Demi asked, eyebrows raised.

            “No, I like scary movies!” Jennel insisted. “I just…” she trailed off at the expectant look on Demi’s face. She shouldn’t have said anything at all, now she was going to look stupid. “They’re scary.” She finished lamely.

            “We can watch Black Swan instead?” Demi asked, looking thoroughly entertained by Jennel’s little fear. Jennel’s eyes widened. Black Swan had lesbian sex scenes in it. She couldn’t sit through that next to Demi.

            “No, we can watch the scary one, it’s fine.” Jennel said, trying not to seem like she was avoiding watching the movie currently in Demi’s hand.

            “No, no, if you don’t like scary movies then we’ll just watch Black Swan. It’s a… ‘psychological thriller’.” Demi insisted, reading from the back of the box. Jennel couldn’t tell if Demi was joking or not. She was already on her feet, so she made a grab for the horror movie that was sitting on the coffee table between them. She’d just pop it in, and they could go on pretending that Black Swan didn’t exist. Demi’s hand got there first, and she snatched the DVD just out of Jennel’s reach, smiling deviously.

            “Nope, you’re too afraiiiiiid of scary movies.” Demi teased. Jennel stepped back around the table, trying to grab the movie out of Demi’s hands, but the older girl was too quick, holding it as far from Jennel as she could. Jennel narrowed her eyes.

            “Are you sure you want to get into this?” She asked, trying to sound threatening. Demi only smirked in response. Jennel launched herself towards the movie, but was a fraction of a second too slow, instead ending up half-draped across Demi’s lap, arms outstretched in a desperate attempt to reach the DVD. Demi was laughing, but she refused to give in, trying to turn herself so that her back faced Jennel. A moment later, Jennel’s hand caught Demi’s wrist, but her arms weren’t quite long enough to reach her ultimate goal.

            “Demiiiiiiiiiiiiii,” Jennel whined. And suddenly Demi gave in, dropping the movie into Jennel’s outstretched hand.

            “I just wanted to make you beg.” Demi said it as though she was looking for a reaction from Jennel, a smile twitching at her lips. The words stirred something within Jennel that she’d been hoping wouldn’t emerge during their little movie-date.

            “Hey Jennel, we’re going…” Drew’s voice broke the tension that was building between the two girls. Jennel was just about done with his horrifyingly-timed interruptions. Drew’s voice faded out when he processed the two girls on the couch, legs intertwined, all over each other. “Shit, sorry.” He mumbled before he turned and made a quick exit.

            Demi looked down at the compromising position they were in and burst into laughter.

            “I think we’ve sold him.” She said, smiling as Jennel extracted herself.

            “We’re lucky that was just Drew.” Jennel replied, shaking her head in amusement as she made her way to the DVD player to eject Bridesmaids and insert Insidious. As she spun to make her way back to the couch, she saw Demi standing, stretching her back out. A moan that couldn’t be categorized as anything but explicit reverberated from the back of Demi’s throat, and Jennel felt goosebumps rise up and down her arms. She sat on the couch, tucking her legs beneath her, willing her mind not to replay the previous night’s dream.

            Demi fell back into the couch with a satisfied sigh, grabbing a pillow and wrapping both arms around it as she angled her body to rest almost completely against Jennel’s. It felt natural.

            The movie turned out to be incredibly stupid, and Jennel’s insecurities about looking weak around Demi faded. Demi, on the other hand, jumped at almost every semi-frightening event on screen. Once, her hand had darted out and clutched Jennel’s in a moment of panic, but she’d let go moments later. Jennel missed the contact, and for a moment she caught herself wondering what it would be like to hold Demi’s hand during a movie. She pushed the thought out of her head and just relaxed into Demi throughout the rest of the film.

            It was almost 6:30, and they’d burned through four straight movies and a bag of popcorn each. Daylight savings meant that it was dark enough outside for it to have passed for midnight, so when the girls finally detached themselves from the couch, it felt like the day was over.

            “I can’t believe we actually just spent the _entire_ day watching movies.” Demi said lightly, not wanting to break the quiet that had enveloped the room at the end of the last movie.

            “Sorry about that…” Jennel cringed as she apologized for the lack of excitement.

            “No, no, don’t apologize! Do you know how long it’s been since I spent an entire day doing absolutely nothing work related?” Demi sounded really excited. Jennel wasn’t sure if it was a rhetorical question or not.

            “I’m guessing a pretty long time?” She asked.

            “So long. _So_ long.” Demi replied, sighing wistfully. She suddenly turned to meet Jennel’s eyes, face serious. “I’m really glad we could do this.”

            “So am I.” Jennel replied politely, confused about the sudden change in atmosphere. Then Demi seemed to have reigned in her emotions, and defaulted back to her favorite joking tone.

            “It’s not every day I get to spend cuddled up to a hot little thing like you,” she added, resting her head in the crook of Jennel’s neck. Jennel blushed, hard, as her mind raced for a witty reply.

            “I bet you say that to all of your fake-girlfriends.”

            “Every single one.” Demi pulled back, standing up and loosening her joints. Jennel stood with her, sensing that their night was about to end. She made her way over to the DVD player, ejecting the most recent movie and clicking it back into its box. Demi had gathered all that she brought with her, and had her purse slung over her shoulder. Jennel handed her the DVD as they walked together toward the front door.

            “This was more fun for me than you can imagine.” Demi blurted.

            “I don’t know,” Jennel challenged. “This ranks high on my list of best days since I’ve been in LA.”

            Demi had one hand on the door, turning the knob, when the other reached out to cup the side of Jennel’s face. An action that could have been intimate and tender ended up as just friendly, when she pulled Jennel closer, kissed her cheek, and slipped out with just a ‘Text me later _sweet thang_ ’ in a convincing southern accent thrown over her shoulder.

            Jennel closed the door after her, and trudged back into the lounge. She dropped into the couch unceremoniously and closed her eyes. Her head had been throbbing since Demi kissed her cheek. She felt like she was on fire, and briefly wondered if she was coming down with a fever, refusing to acknowledge that maybe she was just excited about the kiss.

            Jennel continued on with the rest of her night uneventfully, joining Cece when she ordered Chinese food for dinner, and ending up curled up on the couch again, next to a different, significantly blonder female.

            “I saw Demi leaving earlier.” Cece casually remarked between forkfuls of fried rice.

            “She was um… helping me…” Jennel tried to be convincing when she lied, she really did. It just wasn’t something she was good at. Cece laughed at her lame attempt at a coverup.

            “You guys were just hanging out, I get it.” Cece seemed genuinely okay with the whole situation. Jennel hadn’t even considered that selling her cover story meant including both Cece and Paige in it, and she breathed a sigh of relief when it didn’t seem like Cece cared that Jennel was spending extra time with their mentor.

            Cece stood to take the Chinese food containers into the kitchen, leaving Jennel alone on the couch. She felt her phone buzz, and knew before looking at the screen that it would be Demi.

            **Demi (8:42PM): jennnneeelllllllll**

****

**             Ddeeemmmiiiii **

****

**             Demi (8:43PM): i’m booorrredddddd **

****

**             and you want me to entertain you? ;) **

****

**** Jennel freezes. She hadn’t really meant to send that message. She sees the icon that indicates that Demi is typing, but doesn’t receive a message. She sees Demi typing again, waits, and again doesn’t receive a message back. She starts worrying- did she take it too far? Demi was probably trying to figure out how to tell her to back off without hurting her feelings, she was probabl-

            **Demi (8:49PM): just what did you have in mind…? ;)**

****

**** Jennel’s stuck. She had no idea what she’d meant by her last message; she just wanted it to sound suggestive. She decided to turn the conversation down a tamer road, and tapped the little camera icon next to her keyboard. She flipped the camera around to face herself, and took a picture of herself sticking her tongue out that was dumb enough to be interpreted jokingly, but still attractive enough to send to somebody else. She attached it to a message to Demi, leaving no explanation, and hit send.

            Jennel was receiving a picture back in less than a minute. A picture of Demi holding her dog, kissing the top of his head. Her hair was up in a bun, little strands falling around her face and somehow looking perfect accidentally. Jennel smiled at the picture for longer than she should have, before taking another one of herself. She held the phone out far in front of her, winking and catching it on camera. She sent the message without a second thought.

            **Demi (8:52PM): you are way too cute**

            **Demi (8:43PM): especially your little winky face. Just what are you insinuating? ;)**

****

**             ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) **

****

            If she was being honest with herself, Jennel wasn’t trying to deny her little _thing_ for Demi anymore. She’d never act on her feelings, but she could no longer deny how much fun it was to flirt. She glanced back down at her phone, trying to decide if it was up to her to send another message, or if Demi would reply to her cryptic winky faces.

            She waited a few minutes, and didn’t see Demi typing, so she decided to take it into her own hands to continue the conversation down the suggestive path it had taken. She spent a solid minute trying to take an acceptable picture of herself, letting her eyes look low and sexual and wearing just a hint of a smirk. She wanted to look sexy without looking like she was _trying_ to look sexy, and almost every picture she took made her cringe and start over.

            She finally ended up with a self-portrait of herself just barely smiling, looking intensely into the camera. It was dark in the lounge, and her picture was dark enough to mask any insecurity that Jennel had about the photo, but it was light enough that Demi, if she was being observant, could interpret Jennel’s meaning behind the expression.

            She watched Demi ‘type’ for a moment before she received a picture that made her stomach flip. Demi was staring directly into the camera; lips parted sensually, with a straight, intense expression on her face. Her eyes were hooded and she had taken her hair down, tousling it around her face. The entire look was electrifying.

**             That is a really really really good picture **

****

**** All Jennel received back was an emoji of a winky face- and she took it as her cue to send one back. She pulled her hair out of the bun it was currently in and tried to brush it into control with her hands. She parted her hair, trying to get her bangs to cooperate as she tried to flip all of her light curls towards one side. She was still fixing her hair in the mirrored image of her camera when Cece walked back in, giving Jennel a questioning look.

            “Jennel are you taking selfies?” She asked, laughing.

            “Shut up, I’m just trying to fix my hair.” Jennel replied, imagining how mortifying it could have been if Cece had walked in while she was trying to take a picture of herself to send Demi.

            “Whatever,” Cece rolled her eyes and reached for the television remote, changing the channel and settling into the couch.

            “I’m gonna go upstairs…” Jennel announced when she realized that Cece was taking up residence on the couch. Cece raised an eyebrow at Jennel, but didn’t question her.

            “Get some early sleep or something,” is all she had to say before letting Jennel go on her way.

            When she had climbed up onto her bunk, Jennel checked her phone to find another message from Demi. This one was a picture of Demi sticking her tongue out- one that ingrained itself into Jennel’s memory. There were ways to stick one’s tongue out that suggested laughing and being carefree. There were also ways to stick one’s tongue out that were decidedly sexual. Demi, of course, opted for the second one. Jennel stared at the picture for longer than she should have, realizing that Demi looked less like she was sticking her tongue out and more like she was licking her lips. And not just licking her lips, but full on Victoria’s Secret model, playboy centerfold, pornstar, _licking her lips_.

            And Demi’s tongue was long. Like, _long._ Jennel got caught up in her own head, the picture of Demi’s tongue causing little visions of her previous dream to steamroll over all of her other thoughts. Looking back, if Jennel had to pinpoint when exactly she stopped fighting her intense (and obvious) attraction to Demi, it was that moment, when her eyes slipped shut and without even trying she’d conjured up an image of Demi using her pornographically long tongue for something other than a teasing picture. She blinked hard; trying to snap herself out of the lustful haze she’d become caught in.

            Jennel sat on her bunk with her back to the wall, flipping her camera around to take another picture of herself. She angled the lens so that the side of her face was caught out of the frame, and decided on biting her lip just before she hit the ‘take’ button. The first one she took ended up being one of the best, and Jennel was about to attach it to a message to Demi when she began considering taking a tamer photo. No, after Demi’s last picture, lip biting was definitely acceptable.

            She sent the message, her heart beating a hundred miles an hour. The next message she received was a brain-melting picture of Demi in a skimpy little tank top. Jennel didn’t even bother to think about the fact that Demi had changed clothes. Demi looked like she was holding her phone with both hands, causing her arms to cross in front of her and push her boobs just that much farther out of the thin little tank top. It wasn’t indecent, and Jennel figured (she knew, actually) that Demi showed more cleavage in most of her public appearances, but the image of Demi’s chest combined with the sinfully pouty lips that Demi was sporting caused Jennel to blush. She decided to take a risk, sending her next message immediately after receiving Demi’s photo.

            **I actually just blushed**

****

**             Demi (9:08PM): awww youre so easy **

****

**** Jennel bit her lip, trying to decide what to do next. She didn’t know why she was playing this little game with Demi, she didn’t know why she was enjoying it so much, but she refused to keep stressing herself out by worrying about it- she was pushing the issue from her mind completely, just enjoying herself with no restrictions. She pulled the hoodie over her head, leaving her in just a sports bra. Flipping over onto her stomach, she reached her phone out in front of her, tapping the camera. She ended up with a picture of herself propped up on her elbows, her cleavage plain enough to catch Demi’s attention but not quite blatant enough to look trashy.

            It was a few moments before Jennel received a reply.

            **Demi (9:13PM): are you in a sports bra?**

****

**             ;) **

****

**             Demi (9:14PM): undressing for me already, hmmm? **

**             Demi (9:14PM): and I’m not even there in person **

****

**             Hahaha you wish you were though ;D **

****

**             Demi (9:15PM): desperately **

****

**** Jennel froze. Was Demi being serious?

            **Oh reaaaalllly?**

****

**             Demi (9:16PM): don’t act so surprised, you are my girlfriend after all ;) **

****

**** She breathed out. Demi was kidding again. Jennel tried to fight the deep sense of disappointment that Demi’s last message instilled in her. She wouldn’t admit it to herself, but she’d felt simultaneously terrified and ecstatic at Demi’s “desperately” confession.

Jennel rolled over onto her back. What if Demi hadn’t been kidding? She’d answered almost as quickly as Jennel sent the message- maybe she answered out of first instinct. Jennel closed her eyes, stressed. Why did she care so much? What if Demi  _had_ been serious? What would happen next? She rubbed her face with her hands, trying to organize the disaster of thoughts flying around her head.


	3. Three

           Saturday meant early mornings and a string of exhausting rehearsals. Jennel had fallen asleep before ten the night before, and closed her eyes in a moment of silent thanks when her six AM alarm went off and she felt well rested. The conversation with Demi was the last thing on her mind as she rushed from dresser to dresser, trying to find an appropriate outfit to rehearse in. The entire mansion was in the same frenzy that Jennel was in- everyone rushing to make their shuttles on time and meet with their mentor by the seven o’clock deadline.

            Jennel missed the shuttle, unable to say no to Cece who had been begging for Jennel to ‘wait for her’ as she went through every outfit combination in her closet trying to make a final decision. Jennel squeezed her eyes shut in exasperation as she stood on the driveway outside of the mansion, next to Cece who was on the phone and calling them a cab.

            “But now we can go to Starbucks!” Cece said to Jennel as she hung up her phone. Jennel opened her mouth to reply, but closed it again, just shaking her head at the older girl. The cab arrived quickly, and Jennel didn’t even protest when Cece asked him to take them to a Starbucks before giving him the address of the studio.

            They got through the long line of LA customers fairly quickly, Cece ordering some drink with a name a paragraph long and a price tag higher than Jennel wanted to believe. When Jennel reached the register, she ordered herself a frozen caramel frappucino, and, on impulse, asked for a black coffee to be added onto her order. She paid and tried to ignore Cece’s questioning look as she grabbed a little heat-protective sleeve for the second coffee. Much to Jennel’s surprise, Cece didn’t ask. She raised an eyebrow and held Jennel’s gaze, waiting to see if Jennel would offer an explanation for her the impulse buy. When Jennel stayed silent, Cece decided to let the incident go.

            “I’m gonna hit the bathroom really quick, make sure the cab doesn’t leave without me.” Cece said, setting off towards the back of the coffee shop. Jennel nodded, taking Cece’s purse off of her arm and leaning against the counter.

            Her elbow brushed something that made a jingling noise, and she turned to find a pen chained to the countertop, used for signing receipts. She grabbed the ballpoint, setting the black coffee down on the counter. She drew a huge winking smiley face on the side of the cup where a blank box prompted ‘name’, then added a few little hearts on the cardboard sleeve the cup was resting in. Cece returned just as Jennel was finishing with her decorating, and they scurried out to their cab, setting on their way to the studio.

            Demi was seated in the judge’s chair, watching Paige run through her first song. Cece and Jennel appeared in the wings just as Paige’s song was ending, and Demi was getting up from her seat to go speak with her contestant. Jennel watched as Demi spoke animatedly to Paige who looked as though she was just barely restraining herself from rolling her eyes. Cece cringed as Demi tried to guide Paige through a particularly difficult note.

            “She hates when Demi questions her vocals.” Cece whispered.

            “I feel like she just doesn’t really like Demi.” Jennel whispered back. Both of their eyes were trained on Paige as Demi stopped her and asked her to restart her song from the second verse.

            “She thinks she’s too good for this.”

            Jennel snorted and looked towards Cece, who was smirking as she took a sip of her coffee. Jennel suddenly remembered the second coffee in her hand, and quietly slipped down to where Demi had been seated earlier. She noticed a smaller Styrofoam cup of coffee off to the side of Demi’s seat: it was full of coffee that Fox provided backstage, coffee that Jennel knew Demi despised but drank anyway. Jennel placed the black coffee directly in the middle of the table, facing the winking smiley face towards the seat. She then snuck backstage as quickly as she could, and pulled her headphones over her head as she waited until Paige and Cece had both already run through their performances multiple times with Demi. When it was finally her turn, and she stepped out onto the stage, Demi smiled brightly.

            “Morning.” Jennel beamed.

            “Good morning.” Demi smiled back. She held up her Starbucks cup, “Thanks for the coffee, by the way. I owe you one.” She punctuated her statement with a wink that Jennel just barely caught, a wink that sucked just that little bit of air out of Jennel’s lungs.

            “I’ll be collecting.” Jennel answered sarcastically.

            “Someone’s fiesty today,” Demi giggled, waggling her eyebrows.

            “Always.” Jennel winked.

            They ran through her performance once in its entirety. They got through the first verse and half of the chorus of the second run-through when Demi stopped the music. She stayed quiet for a moment, her head propped up between her hands, and Jennel was confused about what she’d done wrong.

            “Do you like having dancers behind you?” Demi suddenly asked.

            Jennel shrugged, unsure of what the right answer was. “I mean, they’re okay…”

            “I think we’re gonna cut the dancers.”

            Jennel was a bit surprised, but nodded in agreement. “Okay. We can do that. But, um… why?”

            “They distract from you.” Demi said simply. She bit her lip, looking like she was trying to find the words to accurately describe her decision. “You… you look incredible when you perform. You get into it; you _feel_ the song you’re performing. And the audience can see that. But when you’ve got all these people behind you… I can only half-focus on how into it you are.” Jennel blushed, recognizing the complements hidden in Demi’s words.

            “I don’t have a problem with it.” Jennel replied, shrugging again.

            “Okay, but we can’t have you standing still. You might have to learn some of the basic moves to the dance.” Demi replied, finger tapping her lips. She was so serious- when she was working, she was _working_.

            “I can do that.” Jennel said eagerly.

            “Good…” Demi nodded. “Try from the top again.”

            Jennel made it to the second chorus before Demi stopped her again. She pushed out from behind the judge’s table and came up on stage, stepping directly behind Jennel, turning so they both faced the empty seats where the audience would be in a few short days.

            “The only other complaint I have right now is about your posture.” She was speaking softly into the space just above Jennel’s shoulder. Jennel couldn’t turn around, so she looked down at her feet when she answered Demi.

            “I slouch.” Jennel laughed quietly as she admitted what Demi had already noticed.

            “We’re gonna fix that.” Demi said, and before Jennel could stop to think what her mentor had in mind, Demi had her left hand pressed flat into the small of Jennel’s back. Her right hand flattened on Jennel’s right hip. _Low_ on Jennel’s right hip. She pressed the palm of her hand hard into Jennel’s hip.

            “Pull your hips back just a bit.” She breathed. Jennel swallowed, complying, not trusting herself to speak out loud. Then the hand that had been in the small of Jennel’s back slid up her spine, until Demi rested her hand between Jennel’s shoulderblades. She pressed forward a bit, ordering Jennel to straighten her back.

            Jennel was buzzing with arousal. She always forgot how touchy Demi was, how it was second nature for her to touch people in ways that some people might consider intimate. The hand sliding up her back had almost done her in, through her thin shirt she could feel the light scratch of Demi’s nails, and goosebumps rippled on Jennel’s skin where Demi had touched it. She felt Demi squeeze her bare hip firmly, her shirt had ridden up and she felt like she might collapse. Jennel’s pants were riding low, and Demi’s fingers were gripping just on top of her hip bone, her fingertips ghosting the edge of the V shape that Jennel’s abdominal muscles created. Jennel was breathing heavily, something she could play off in the guise of her recent performance.

            “Better.” Demi husked, leaning back, removing her head from Jennel’s personal space. Her hands didn’t move. The pointer finger of her left hand was tapping lightly just below Jennel’s neck, sending fresh waves of light shivers down Jennel’s back. Her right hand hadn’t moved, and Jennel was afraid that if she did move it she’d fall apart right there on stage, in front of all of these technicians and vocal coaches who didn’t even blink when Demi put her hands on her contestants.

            Then Jennel’s adrenaline spiked and she decided to take control of the situation. She stepped forward, breaking Demi’s hold on her hip, stepping out of the gentle touch on her back. She spun on her heel, facing Demi, who didn’t look the least bit phased.

            “Yes ma’am.” Jennel said, attitude lacing her voice and the sideways smile that painted her face. When Jennel made a show of bowing to her mentor, Demi raised her eyebrows high, surprised at Jennel’s rebellion.

            “Well o-kay.” Demi replied, smirking. As she turned to make her way down the little steps back to her seat, Jennel saw an opportunity and took a risk, pinching Demi’s butt. Demi jumped higher than Jennel imagined she would, and she couldn’t stifle her laughter as Demi turned back towards her with a look of pure shock on her face.

            “Did you just--?” She stuttered.

            “I’m sorry, don’t you have some mentoring to do?” Jennel answered through laughter, flipping her hair over her shoulder and strutting back to her starting position on stage.

            When she looked up, Demi was back in her seat, her eyes narrowed at Jennel. She was shaking her head and trying not to smile, but failing. Jennel feigned innocence, blowing Demi a dramatic kiss and earning herself an equally dramatic eye roll.

xx

            She had her purse slung over her shoulder, her phone and wallet in her hand as she made her way down the hallway towards the double doors that would lead her outside. She was debating calling a cab versus attempting to hail one when she felt herself being pushed off balance.

            “Way to not text me back last night, by the way.” Demi said casually as she bumped Jennel with her hip. Jennel caught herself and they fell into stride.

            “Like you’ve never fallen asleep sexting someone.” Jennel scoffed. Demi turned to look at Jennel, cocking her head.

            “Sexting?”

            “You heard me.” Jennel replied playfully. Internally, she was starting to panic, wondering if her joking word choice had crossed a line. Then she heard Demi laugh; laugh as if she had heard a good joke.

            “If you think _that_ was sexting…” She began, leaving the sentence open-ended and sending Jennel’s brain into overdrive.

            “ _Oh_ -kay.” Jennel’s sarcasm was thick today. They pushed on either side of the double doors in tandem, stepping out into the mild weather of a busy city.

            “Talk to you later, hot stuff.”

            “Love ya.” Jennel joked, making a big scene of blowing Demi a kiss as the older girl backed away to find her car in a parking lot of others.

xx

            Demi didn’t text Jennel that night, and Jennel was disappointed. After the little sexting crack and the nature of their texting the night before, she was sure that tonight they’d toe the line of their friendship (and heterosexuality) again- and Jennel scared herself a bit as she realized just how much she enjoyed doing that with Demi.

            They all had Sunday off, and Jennel spent a good amount of the day doing absolutely nothing. She lounged around with Cece, she watched the boys of Emblem 3 (excluding Drew, who seemed to have developed a serious aversion to her) play a testosterone-fueled game of ‘sting pong’ that resulted in more than just a few large welts, and she checked her phone religiously. Jennel tried to convince herself that she wasn’t waiting all day for Demi to text her. She was just… bored.

            It was 7:30PM, when she sat down to watch a movie alone, that Jennel gave in and sent a text to Demi.

            **You. Me. Movie of your choice. 15 minutes.**

****

            Jennel reread the message after she sent it and hoped that she didn’t come off as needy as she felt. Seven minutes passed before her phone began glowing with the notification of a message.

            **Demi (7:37PM): I can’t :l**

****

**** Jennel’s heart dropped. Disappointment that she hadn’t planned for washed over her in a heavy sheet.

            **What if I pout :(**

            **Demi (7:40PM): I’m actually on a date**

**             Demi (7:41PM): I can stop by after? 10ish? **

****

**             Of course. Have fun <3 **

****

**** Demi’s words sent confusing little bullets tearing through Jennel’s heart. Demi was out, on a date. Something that _shouldn’t_ make Jennel want to curl up and cry. Demi was a grown woman, Demi was single (?), Demi was free to do what she wanted. But some small part of Jennel felt betrayed. She tried to brush off her discomfort; she had no valid reason to feel the way that she did. She sat on the couch, staring down at her phone, her hands, trying to sort out her emotions. Chief among the unexplainable were anger, jealousy, and sadness. She glanced at the clock, sighing as she pulled herself off of the couch and trudged into the kitchen to find dinner, wasting time until Demi was supposed to arrive.

            Demi actually showed up closer to 10:30, but when Jennel opened the door, every word she had planned on saying flew directly out of her mouth.

            “Hey,” was all she was able to say, air whooshing out of her lungs at the sight of the girl before her.

            Demi giggled, shrugging bashfully. She looked _incredible_. Jennel’s first thought was that it was a little black dress sent from the heavens- it fit Demi perfectly, hugging her curves and pushing her chest upwards. It cut off just below the top of Demi’s thigh, giving way to legs longer than Jennel remembered and ending in classy black heels that were taller than Jennel herself could have navigated. Her skin looked paler than usual, a perfect contrast to her chocolate-colored hair which was falling down her shoulders in big, soft, curls.

            Jennel was in awe of Demi, but was only able to enjoy the image for a moment before she remembered that Demi had dressed like this for somebody else, somebody she was on a date with.

            “All dressed up, just for me?” Jennel asked, feigning surprise. Demi simply offered a “Duh” as she stepped through the doorway, kicking her heels off as quickly as she physically could.

            They both made their way into the lounge- a room that was quickly becoming a staple part of their friendship. Demi dropped herself onto the corner of the couch, curling her legs up next to her as she turned towards the sound of Jennel’s voice.

            “How did the date go?” She asked, sounding genuinely concerned. Jennel felt something inside of her break as she watched Demi’s face positively _light up_ at the question.

            “Wonderful, really.” She was smiling that huge contagious smile as she delivered the next blow. “Wilmer spoils me.”

            Jennel expected that she’d have to fight back tears, but she wasn’t really _sad._ She felt more like she’d been punched; like she and Demi had been toying around this entire time, throwing harmless little punches until suddenly things turned real and Jennel took one to the gut that she hadn’t been expecting.

            “I’m glad he treats you right.” Jennel supplied, fighting to put a sad smile on her face.

            “He’s just…” Demi started, looking off into the space over Jennel’s shoulder. “He’s not the guy everybody thinks he is. Not anymore, at least.”

            “That’s… good, I guess?” Jennel questioned tentatively. She wasn’t sure how she was going to keep this conversation going without losing herself in her own feelings.

            “Yeah, it is.” Demi cooed, eyes still focused on the spot just above Jennel’s shoulder. She snapped out of it with a slight jolt. “Do you guys have anything to drink, by the way?” She asked the question as casually as ever, and that’s when it clicked for Jennel- Demi felt nothing towards her. They messed around, they flirted, but Demi clearly took no part of it as seriously as Jennel had come to. Somewhere along the line their little flirting had come to mean something to Jennel. This was a big conversation for her, they were talking about another guy in Demi’s life, they were talking about somebody Demi was romantically involved with. To Demi, it was small talk. She could gush over Wilmer and ask for a glass of water in the next breath without thinking twice. The recognition of the one-sided nature of their relationship cut into Jennel’s heart, and she slipped another mask of happiness on her face as she led Demi into the kitchen to find a drink.

            Demi stood quietly with a water bottle in her hand, leaning her hip against the kitchen counter. Jennel was sitting in one of the tall spinny chairs at the island, spinning herself lightly back and forth as Demi spoke.

            “And how was your day?”

            The question was plain, rehearsed, but something in the way Demi asked it had Jennel convinced that the older girl was genuinely curious as to what was going on in the daily life of Jennel Garcia.

            “I did nothing, all day.” Jennel forced a chuckle as she said it. Demi was holding the water bottle to her lips, and gave Jennel a small smile before tipping it backwards.

            Jennel lost herself in how soft Demi’s lips looked like they were. They closed daintily around the plastic of the bottle, and the way she licked her lips, tongue catching the last stray droplet of water, was slowly ingraining itself into Jennel’s brain. She tried to focus on the lull in the conversation and how it was her responsibility to break it, but instead she focused on the perfect hourglass figure in the perfect little dress in front of her.

            Her eyes trailed down the expanse of Demi’s dress, then back up, her gaze caressing tanned legs and taking in the swell of feminine hips. Her gaze lingered for a moment longer than was acceptable at Demi’s chest- her boobs were practically put on display tonight. The dress pressed them towards each other and upward, creating cleavage deeper than Jennel’s current train of thought. A little silver charm on a silver chain finished off the effect, falling just in the valley of Demi’s chest.

            “Jennel?” Demi’s voice broke Jennel out of her reverie. Jennel’s eyes flicked up to meet Demi’s, and Jennel looked very much like she’d just been caught. “Way to totally check me out,” Demi laughed, taking another sip of water.

            Jennel’s heart stopped for a moment. She’d been caught. But as it restarted, she realized that it wasn’t a big deal. Demi laughed about it, Demi was taking it in stride. She could play this off, make some sexual, teasing comment, and they’d continue on the way they were. Jennel would go to sleep tonight, and Demi would go home. Or would she go home to Wilmer? The thought plucked at the back of Jennel’s brain, and the jealousy and panic she felt at the thought of Demi with Wilmer pushed her to make a decision that she didn’t even know she was considering.

            “I probably should tell you something.” Jennel slipped forward off of her chair as she began a confession that she hadn’t really meant to share. “I’m like… really attracted to you.” She couldn’t control herself anymore, she couldn’t keep pushing down this overblown sense of jealousy she felt when Demi talked about Wilmer, she couldn’t keep ignoring the clear signs that she _wanted_ Demi.

            Demi’s head was cocked, and one eyebrow raised, but the amusement twinkling in her eyes told Jennel that her point wasn’t really hitting home.

            “I would hope so. We _are_ dating.” Demi was straight-faced as she responded, taking another quick sip from her water bottle. Jennel bit her lip, unsure how to explain herself.

            “No, I mean…” Jennel squeezed her eyes shut, hard, cringing as she forced herself to finish what she shouldn’t have started. “I’m… _attracted_ to you.” When Jennel’s eyes opened, they found Demi for a microsecond. Realization was making itself apparent in her eyes. Jennel looked towards the ceiling and tried to remind herself to breathe, tried to rationalize what was going on.

            “You mean like…?”

            “I mean like… my thoughts right now?” Jennel found Demi’s eyes, then her gaze dropped to Demi’s body in her figure-hugging dress. “They’re far from G rated.”

            It crossed Jennel’s mind that it probably wasn’t the right time to use that line, but it was blunt and it was honest, and Jennel had always been one to go big or go home. It was _that_ line that clicked in Demi’s head. _That_ line that put the pieces of their backwards puzzle together.

Demi’s eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up. “ _Oh.”_


	4. Four

Jennel cringed; she knew what was coming next. Embarrassment flooded over her, suffocated her. She shouldn’t have said anything. She felt a pang of guilt, because she just put Demi in an extremely uncomfortable position. She considered backtracking; trying to retract her confession and start over, but her delivery had made any denial impossible. She opted for groveling instead.

            “Shit… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- _shit._ ” Jennel was consumed with embarrassment, unable to look at Demi. Instead she sat back onto the stool she’d been on earlier, propped her elbows onto the counter, and buried her face in her hands. She squeezed her eyes closed, hard, hoping that maybe none of it had really just happened.

            She heard Demi’s footsteps, heard them leading towards the doorway. She was leaving. Although part of Jennel broke at the realization, she silently gave thanks that she didn’t have to look at Demi, didn’t have to have that conversation with her right now. But then there was a _thunk_ as Demi dropped her purse on the far table, and the footsteps were coming back, quieter. She felt a hand on her forearm, and then Demi was pulling Jennel’s hands away from her face.

            She met Demi’s eyes, expecting anger, disgust, pity, or at least confusion. Instead, Demi’s face held a light air of amusement, a friendly little smile trying to break through onto her face. Her hands were still clasped gently around Jennel’s wrists, and she slid them down to hold onto Jennel’s hands as she spoke.

            “Are you okay?” Demi asked.

            “Why aren’t you upset?” Jennel was confused. Demi gave her a small smile before releasing her hands and propping herself up onto the little stool next to Jennel’s.

            “It’s not really a big deal.” She shrugged.

            “Um…” Did Demi not understand what Jennel had just told her? How could she be so cavalier about it? “It kind of is.”

            Demi looked down at her hands. “I’m gonna sound like a bitch for saying this… but I kind of get things like that a lot. If I can be candid, it’s because I’m a ‘celebrity’.” She accented the word with air quotes before looking up towards Jennel. “It’ll start happening with you too, you know. Everything on the show, everything in the media: it’s unrealistic and sexualized. It’s easy to get caught up in.”

            Jennel struggled to find a response, completely surprised by Demi’s reaction. Demi didn’t _believe_ her? No, Demi believed her, but she thought it was all a figment of Jennel’s mind, influenced by her celebrity status. Jennel’s mind waged a war- play along, avoid the uncomfortable tension it could create if Jennel explained herself, or try to explain the extent of her feelings? She went against every rational argument in her head and opted for the latter.

            “You don’t really believe that, do you?” Jennel asked.

            “It’s true, Jennel. When you’ve been in the business-“

            “Demi.” Jennel cut her off, giving her a _seriously?_ look. “You’re incredible, and you’re _hot._ Regardless of your fame.” She chickens out at the last minute and smiles when she says it, so it’s easier for Demi to construe it as platonic, should she want to. Demi’s cheeks turn rosy at Jennel’s comment, and Jennel smiles. She’d never seen Demi blush before tonight, and she’s glad that her comment didn’t fall on deaf ears.

            “Thanks,” she smiles bashfully.

            “Really though,” Jennel assures her. “And you look… _stunning_ tonight.” She adds the last part without thinking, because these complements just slip out of her mouth when she’s around Demi.

            “Well of course you’d say that,” Demi teases, poking Jennel in the arm. “You’re biased since you have a crush on me.”

            Jennel rolls her eyes and Demi sticks her tongue out, and they both laugh for a moment before the atmosphere dies down and Demi sighs and comments on how late it’s getting.

            “It’s only like 11:15.” Jennel scoffs. “We’ve got plenty of time.” She meant it more along the lines of, ‘it’s not even that late,’ but Demi picks up on her strange phrasing.

            “Time to do what, exactly?” Her tone is risqué and suggestive, and Jennel gets momentary butterflies. She fights the mental pictures running through her head, trying to come up with an appropriate answer.

            “We can watch another movie or something,” she giggles, grabbing Demi’s hand and trying to pull her into the lounge.

            “I can’t, I can’t. We’ve got rehearsals tomorrow morning.” Demi protests but she doesn’t fight, harboring an inkling of a hope that Jennel will convince her to stay anyway.

            “Fiiiiiiiiiine.” Jennel sighs melodramatically, clutching at her heart and letting go of Demi’s hand. They walk to the door together, and Jennel fights hard not to stare as Demi bends over in her sinfully short dress to pull her shoes back on. She’s about to open the door when Jennel speaks up.

            “Thanks for… not making this weird.” Jennel says quietly. Demi turns back towards the younger girl and smiles.

            “Hey, I mean any day a straight girl more or less tells you she wants to have sex with you is a good day in my book.” Demi’s joking, but Jennel’s face grows hot again anyway. She squeezes her eyes shut, mortified at some of the things she’d said.

            “Yeah…” She says uncomfortably, unsure how to respond without further embarrassment.

            “I’ve had my own little girl crush on you since your audition, Jennel. No worries.” And with a smile that takes the breath out of Jennel’s lungs, she slips out of the mansion and struts towards a car that Jennel can’t see in the darkness. She hears the engine start, and listens until the sounds of the motor can’t be heard any longer.

            Then Jennel makes her way upstairs, stopping in the hallway outside of the door to her shared room with Cece. It was almost 11:30, and everyone in the house had been asleep for at least an hour, getting a solid amount of rest before the mentoring sessions they had to attend in the morning. Everyone but Jennel, who had a habit of always being the last one awake. She leaned her forehead against the outside of the door to her room, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. A huge weight should have been lifted off her shoulders, considering she admitted her attraction to Demi today, but she still felt as stressed as she had before. Demi was okay with it, it wasn’t (too) weird between them, so what was the problem? Jennel stood up straight when she realized what the cause of her anxiety was- _what happens now?_

__ She was sure that they wouldn’t text anymore, they wouldn’t flirt- and she was going to miss that a lot. As casual about the whole situation as Demi was, Jennel doubted she’d continue their little charade when she knew that Jennel might be taking it too seriously. But what if they did continue? Demi had said that she had a girl crush on Jennel… was it just wishful thinking to hope that Demi’s crush could escalate into feelings on the same caliber as her own? Demi hadn’t acted strangely to her tonight, but there was always the chance that she started treating Jennel differently, even if it was subconsciously. A million possibilities crossed Jennel’s mind. She blinked, shook her head, trying to rid herself of the stressors, and quietly turned the doorknob to her room, closing the door behind her with a click and climbing up onto her bed.

            She lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She almost smiled as she thought of how many times she’d found herself in this position, almost every single time because of Demi. She was in a five million dollar competition, she was struggling to make the people of America like her, and she had to deliver 110% every week, but none of these were the things that kept her up at night.

            She laughed bitterly to herself, before closing her eyes and massaging her temples. This was too much.

            She felt a light vibration, and reached down to find that her phone had slipped out of the pocket of her sweatshirt. She inhaled quickly and her breath caught as she read the notification on her screen.

            **Demi (11:47 PM): heyyyyyyyy**

****

**** Jennel’s eyebrows furrowed. Demi had just left the mansion.

** How are you home already? **

****

**             Demi (11:48 PM): you know I speed **

****

**** Jennel smiled at that, because she did know.

** Demi (11:49 PM): can I ask you a question that I may or may not have been too afraid to ask you in person? **

****

**** She bit her lip, nervous about what was coming next. Demi wasn’t afraid of anything, as far as Jennel knew.

** Of course **

****

**             Demi (11:53 PM): When you said that your thoughts were ‘far from G rated’ …. what exactly did you mean? **

****

**** Jennel’s eyes widened as she read the message, and her stomach clenched in fear. Oh God, she _had_ said that, hadn’t she? She dropped her phone on her stomach and buried her face in her hands, trying to quell the rising feeling of embarrassment and panic. What was she supposed to say?

** Please don’t make me tell you this lol. It was embarrassing enough **

****

**             Demi (11:56 PM): it’s all I’ve been wondering since I left the mansion though :( **

****

**** A somewhat acceptable excuse popped into Jennel’s mind.

** I wasn’t really thinking about anything, I was just trying to make a point **

****

**             Demi (11:58 PM): Lie **

**             Demi (11:58 PM): Lie lie lie lie lie **

**             Demi (11:59 PM): Tell meeeeeee **

****

**             What do you want to know? **

****

**             Demi (12:00 PM): How dirty are the thoughts in little miss Jennel Garcias mind? ;) **

****

**** Jennel closed her eyes, envisioning the moment with Demi in the kitchen- with Demi in _that dress._ She began typing out the message that she wanted to send, panicking at the last moment. Hadn’t she confessed enough for the day? Her fingers moved slowly, tapping out a short  ** I wanted to like… kiss you and stuff.  ** She erased it before she could convince herself to hit send. She sounded like she was twelve.

            Telling Demi so clearly, plain as day, definitely crossed some sort of line that they’d somehow managed to uphold until now. She wasn’t sure what she could tell the older girl that would make her drop the subject. Her teeth worried her bottom lip for a few minutes, weighing her options and trying to brainstorm excuses, when she finally decided _why not._

__ She’d told Demi she had a crush ( _was it a crush?_ ) on her tonight, so she could just as easily tell her that she had wanted to kiss her. It wasn’t even a big deal. As soon as Jennel typed out the words, she changed her mind. It was a big fucking deal. Her heart was beating faster than could be healthy and she was starting to grow hot from anxiety- she had no idea what to say. She could stop answering Demi? Just turn her phone on silent, and go to bed. Pretend tonight never happened.

            **Demi (12:14 PM): I know you didn’t just fall asleep on me. I’m waiiiiiting**

****

**** Jennel sighed. She was so fucked. She squeezed her eyes shut hard as she sent her next message.

            **I wanted to kiss you**

****

**** Her eyes don’t open again until she feels the phone in her hand vibrate. This was it. As soon as she looked down at the message, she’d know if Demi wanted nothing to do with her anymore, she’d know if she’d crossed a line, she’d know if maybe she had to be sent home because you can’t be in a competition while you’re lusting after your mentor, can you?

            She stopped breathing for a moment as she swiped her finger across the screen, the white of the message box illuminating her face in the dark.

            **Demi (12:14 PM): well I could have come up with that on my own**

****

            Jennel exhaled a ragged breath and looked up towards the ceiling, praying that this conversation would end soon, but secretly hoping that it wouldn’t. She’d just spent almost fifteen minutes agonizing over whether or not to admit to Demi that she wanted to kiss her, and Demi took it all in stride. She’d never understand the older girl, how she’d become so sure of herself and confident and just…open.

            **Demi (12:15 PM): Jennel just tell me**

**             Demi (12:15 PM): I can handle it I promise ;) **

****

**             Demiiiiii it’s bad enough that I feel like I’m some horny teenager **

****

**** The response was almost instantaneous.

            **Demi (12:15 PM): Right now?**

****

**** Jennel’s eyebrows furrowed.

****

**             What? **

****

**             Demi (12:16 PM): Nevermind **

**             Demi (12:16 PM): Just tell meeeeee **

****

**** And so she threw all caution to the wind.

            **Fuck it, fiNEEE**

****

**             Before I say anything, you asked for this okay lol **

****

**             And we don’t speak of this again. Ever **

****

**** She sends the three messages in rapid succession, hoping that Demi understands how serious she is. She mentally slaps herself a hundredth time for agreeing to basically bare her fantasies to Demi, and closes her eyes, imagining herself back in the kitchen with Demi. Her phone buzzes, breaking her concentration.

            **Demi (12:17 PM): of course ;)**

****

**** She begins.

****

**             I was definitely thinking about taking that little dress off of you **

****

**** She swallows after she hits send, waiting for the indicator that signifies Demi is typing. It doesn’t come. She sends a second message containing the words that she’d chickened out on sending with the first one.

            **With my teeth**

****

**** She closes her eyes again, trying to remember what she felt when she was in the kitchen.

            **Your shoes were off and it crossed my mind that we were about the same height**

****

**** She’s only just getting started when she gets a reply.

            **Demi (12:18 PM): I think I’m still a little bit taller**

****

**             You are **

****

**             So I could have pushed you up against the wall in the kitchen and our lips would have lined up perfectly **

****

**** The reply is too fast for Jennel to even have time to feel anxious.

****

**             Demi (12:20): But if I had been in my heels I would have been too tall… **

****

**** Jennel sucks in a breath and sits up in her bed, leaning her back against the wall that the bunk bed is situated against. Was Demi playing along…?

            **Demi (12:24 PM): I would have had to pick you up, set you on the counter and get between your legs to kiss you.**

****

**** Jennel’s mind went blank as the visual of herself and Demi kissing on the kitchen counter flashed across her eyes. Jennel was tiptoeing into the water, and Demi was doing cannonballs. She had to stop this; she had to slow it down before it went too far too quickly.

            **Hahaha so is this sexting yet?**

****

**** Because they were texting, Jennel couldn’t see the light air of disappointment that manifested itself on Demi’s face as she read Jennel’s message. Jennel couldn’t see the tiny hope (that Demi wouldn’t even admit that she had) that she crushed when she backed out of a potentially relationship-changing conversation so quickly.

****

**             Demi (12:27 PM): Wouldn’t you like to know? ;) **

****

**             I can’t believe the things I just said though…. Sfjal;sfkjlkjflfkja **

****

**** Jennel haphazardly hit letters, unsure how she was supposed to convey the emotions she was feeling using only words. She was scared, terrified, anxious, and currently running on some sort of adrenaline high. Of the emotions she felt, Jennel was positive that one in particular didn’t plague her- regret. She was terrified, but she was glad she told Demi the truth.

            **Demi (12:28 PM): I believe them hahaha**

**             Demi (12:29 PM): although the way you were checking me out.. I still kind of feel like youre holding out on me. **

****

**** Jennel knocked her head against the wall behind her in shame. She was being _that_ obvious?

            **Nope. & we never speak of this again, remember?**

****

**             Demi (12:31 PM): I don’t know why you make this such a big deal lol. But of course, anything you want. **

****

**** _ Not quite ‘anything’… _ Jennel thought to herself as she crawled back beneath the covers.

xx

            She saw Demi early the next morning, and was incredibly relieved to find that Demi had stayed true to her word, not mentioning anything about the previous night’s ‘conversation’. It wasn’t as awkward as Jennel thought it would be, most of which could be accredited to Demi. She wasn’t treating Jennel any differently, as a friend, or as a contestant- something Jennel was unspeakably thankful for.

            Their mentoring session had all gone as planned, the cameras were a little too intrusive and Demi’s eyes were a little too focused on Jennel’s, but Jennel’s vocals were strong and the song they’d chosen (which Jennel originally hated) was growing on her.

            The only problem Jennel found herself facing was the burning question that had plagued her in her sleep- _what_ was going on between her and Demi? What did last night mean?

            They were exiting the filming room at the same time, both headed to a room two doors down that held half of a homey-looking backdrop used in the background of most of the interviews. They had just passed the first door in comfortable silence, but Jennel stopped short. Demi was a second late, and turned around, giving Jennel a questioning look.

            “Last night—“Jennel began.

            “Ah, wait.” Demi interrupted. “I thought we weren’t ever going to talk about it?”

            “I know, but—“ Jennel was cut short again, by Demi grabbing her arm and pulling her towards a door that Jennel didn’t recognize. She snapped the door open swiftly and stepped inside, pulling Jennel in along with her and closing the door all but a crack. Jennel took a moment to let her eyes adjust to the lighting.

            “A supply closet?” She questioned, looking up at Demi, who was invading her personal space.

            “Everything has cameras out there. You realize we aren’t technically supposed to communicate outside the show, right?” Her voice had dropped to a whisper.

            “Sorry,” Jennel cringed, mentally slapping herself for not considering that possibility earlier. “I just kind of wanted to ask you… how serious you were being last night.” She caught just the edge of Demi’s grin in the darkness.

            “How serious were _you_ being?” Demi asked jokingly. When Jennel didn’t laugh, only started looking like a caged animal, Demi sighed. “Are you really asking that?”

            Jennel wasn’t sure if it was a rhetorical question or if she was really expected to answer it, and she was about to tell Demi that yes, yes she was asking that, when Demi closed the short distance between them and kissed Jennel square on the mouth.

            It wasn’t really a _kiss_ , but it wasn’t a peck: it was long enough for Jennel’s eyes to fall involuntarily closed, and for her to recognize what was happening and lean forward into Demi’s lips. And she could barely feel Demi’s lips on her own, they were so soft and so warm that she felt like she was melting. When Demi pulled back, Jennel snapped her eyes open and focused the girl in front of her, who still had one hand tightly wrapped around the door handle.

            “Serious enough that I was _that_ curious about kissing you,” Demi said, continuing their earlier conversation. “But not so serious that I feel like I have to worry about either of us thinking this is something that it’s not.”

            “Which is… what, exactly?” Jennel asked, craving the clarification. She wouldn’t complain about anything that had just happened, but she needed some sort of concrete thought to hold onto so that her brain didn’t get lost in the memory of Demi’s lips.

            Demi shrugged nonchalantly. “I think you’re really cute, and I’m pretty sure you return the sentiment. There’s clearly some attraction here. You know how sometimes friends accidentally kiss when they’re drunk? Think of this like that. Sort of.” Demi squinted as she realized her flawed reasoning, but shook her head, paying it no mind.

            Jennel suddenly remembered something that made her head spin. “Um… what about Wilmer?”

            “What about him?” Demi’s eyes darkened. “He doesn’t matter. We went on some dates, we’re not together.” Jennel flinched a bit at Demi’s tone, sensing that something had clearly gone wrong there. She didn’t question it, only nodded weakly.

            Demi had the door halfway open when another question popped into Jennel’s head. She grabbed Demi’s wrist with one hand, and her arm with the other, dragging the girl back into the closet and closing the door again.

            “Wait. Um.” She knew what she wanted to ask, but she hadn’t given herself time to come up with a good delivery.

            “Yesssss?” Demi asked, smirking at Jennel’s loss for words.

            “Are you gay? Or like…bi?” She blurted the words out, wishing she could have reigned in some tact before she spoke. Demi only smiled at Jennel, laughing lightly

“Nope, I’m straight. And I’m willing to bet that you are too?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to like … double check.” Jennel laughed.

“We’re all a little gay.” Demi shrugged again, eyes laughing as she opened the door and they both stepped out of a supply closet to make their way to interviews.


	5. Five

5.

            Jennel climbed up the crooked ladder to her bunk and crawled beneath her comforter. Demi had _kissed_ her today. Her immediate reaction had been excitement, surprise, arousal. But the more Jennel thought about it the more she was just a bit disappointed. She had somewhat hoped that their first kiss would be more exciting than a casual ‘I just wanted to see what would happen’ kiss in a supply closet. She’d take what she could get, but a small part of her had this crazy fantasy that may or may not involve their sexual tension coming to a peak during (or before, or after, she wasn’t picky) a mentoring session.

            It was so corny, but Demi was this…enigma. She gave off this overblown sense of confidence and strength, when, as most people knew, she’d had her own share of struggles and breaks in the past. Jennel had seen interviews, had heard her say that she’d be fighting every day to remain confident and strong, but after meeting Demi, it was almost hard to believe. Part of it might be her status; she was a ‘celebrity’, a term that Jennel was slowly finding harder and harder to define. Maybe it was just Demi’s personality- impossible to embarrass. The kind of girl that would do any dare asked of her without blinking an eye. Jennel had hardly ever seen her look uncomfortable, a trait she hoped maybe she could pick up from Demi, something she knew would help her greatly as far as the competition. It was the confidence and the unbreakable persona that kissed Jennel. She made no indication of _liking_ Jennel, and she clarified that she didn’t like girls, but it was almost completely natural for Demi to simply kiss her girlfriends whenever she felt like the moment called for it. It was something Jennel couldn’t wrap her head around. Had it been Jennel in the opposite position, she probably would have bailed as soon as one of her friends admitted that they were attracted to her.

            So what were they now? The best label Jennel could give it was something akin to friends with benefits- although she thought that her feelings towards Demi might be just a bit past ‘friendly’. Her problem arose when she realized that Demi’s feelings probably _were_ simply friendly, only accented with some sort of inexplicable attraction. When Jennel had realized how attracted she was to Demi, she’d spent more time than she’d like to admit wondering if she was a lesbian. Maybe that’s why none of her relationships had worked out to this point- maybe she’d been trying in all the wrong places? She’d ultimately come to the conclusion that she was, in fact, straight, but she had some sort of… exception going on for Demi Lovato. Everyone had a ‘girl crush’ but Jennel’s was so much more than that.

            She flipped onto her side and reached for her phone, debating whether or not to text Demi. Lately she doesn’t text anybody else. She decides not to. She doesn’t want to be needy, even if she feels like she is.

            It’s two days before they speak like anything other than mentor and contestant, because it’s busy and Jennel’s got live shows in just a few days. Demi’s focused on getting her through to next week- and Jennel would being lying if she said that she didn’t wonder whether Demi really wanted her there so she’d be around, or if Demi wanted her to make it through because she wants as many of her acts as possible to stay. Once, when they were texting, Demi had said ‘ **you’re my favorite** ’, and Jennel still wasn’t sure if she meant it as a general statement or if she really liked Jennel the most out of the rest of the young adults.

            Wednesday comes, and Jennel doesn’t perform her best. She doesn’t perform anywhere near her best, but Demi talks her up and gushes over her when her performance is over anyway. The rest of the judges aren’t impressed, but they’re not disappointed either, so she supposed that she did alright.

            Thursday morning comes, and the contestants are told that there will be a double elimination. Jennel walks around the mansion in a daze and observes how everybody handles the stress differently. Carly stays in her room from the moment she wakes up until the moment she has to leave to be at the venue. Beatrice tries to pretend she’s not nervous, she makes jokes and acts like there’s nothing wrong, but Jennel knows that the younger girl feels more pressure than almost anybody else there. Drew tries to give Emblem 3 little pep talks, but the Stromberg brothers aren’t listening. They stay quiet because they know that Drew needs to give his little speech more than they need to hear it. Fifth Harmony seems okay. They’re all individually worried, but Jennel admires the unit they’ve become, the way they rely on each other. They’re strong together, and they’re confident in their Wednesday night performance. They’re the least panicked of all of the contestants. Tate is as charming as ever, and Jennel can’t help but love him more every time that she talks to him.

            “I’m just prayin’ to God that I make it through tonight.” He says, his accent coloring his words. “But if I don’t, hey, maybe it’s not my time, you know?” His eyes always sparkle when he talks and Jennel wonders if he’s ever had a negative day in his life. It’s hard not to admire his attitude.

Vino’s the complete opposite. When he’s on edge, he hides. Once, after he’d survived a stint in the bottom two, the producers lost him. Actually _lost_ him. They’d all gone back to the mansion that night, and Vino just… walked out. He had been trying to calm down, taking a walk to get himself under control, but he didn’t take a cell phone. The producers were wary of him, and a few of the contestants actually felt uncomfortable around him, but he and Jennel had forged some sort of unlikely bond, and she called him ‘Uncle Vino’ and hugged him sometimes when it seemed like he needed it.

xx

Jennel ends up in the bottom two, and although she knew she hadn’t done wonderfully the night before, she’s still blindsided by it. Arin had already left, and she ached when she saw Normani watching him walk off the stage.

            When Mario announced herself and Paige as the bottom two contenders, Jennel paused for a moment, forgetting her survival song. She was ushered backstage, told she’d be performing first, and then pushed into her starting position by a million stage-hands. She still couldn’t remember what her survival song was. She stood in the middle of the darkened stage, looking down at her feet, trying to get her brain to catch up to her body. She was mentally stuck about five minutes in the past, but she had a song to perform. A song she couldn’t remember.

The first strain of the music burst from the speakers and Jennel looked up and made fleeting eye contact with Demi. The song reappeared in her head, the words straightened themselves out, and the Hoobastank song she’d loved since she was a young teenager poured from her. She wasn’t as terrified as she should have been, considering her performance determined whether or not she stayed in the competition or went home to absolutely nothing in Rochester. She should have been shaking, her voice should have been breaking under the pressure, but she still felt like she was in shock.

Her lungs felt full and strong, and on one of the last notes of the song, she looked up and accidentally met Demi’s eyes. There was a moment where she didn’t hear the crowd, who had started cheering. She didn’t even hear herself ending the note, she didn’t hear Mario come out and complement her. For a millisecond she felt something inside her shift just that little bit, and she was trapped in a twilight that began in the gaze Demi had locked onto her. Then she blinked, she looked away, and the realization of what was happening hit her like a freight train. She could leave tonight. Leave the mansion, leave her career, leave Demi. She barely had enough time to clutch the microphone in both hands, terrified, before she was being ushered off stage and to the wings to watch Paige out-perform her.

She was better than Paige, and she was confident of that. Her style was more unique, and her vocals were stronger. But tonight, Paige was _on._ The song choice was right, the emotion was spot on, and Jennel knew she was going home before Paige even finished her song. She might have believed that she was consistently better than Paige, but she hadn’t delivered enough tonight. She knew a defeat when she saw one.

            So did LA Reid. He voted to send Jennel home without a moment’s hesitation.

            Simon seemed to debate it for a moment in his head, but he ultimately chose to save Page as well.

            Jennel’s eyes, which were firmly locked onto a stranger in the dead center of the back of the audience, bulged in surprise when Britney voted to save Jennel. It was maybe the first time in the entire competition that Britney directly defied Simon- and the moment of silence that rippled through the audience told Jennel that she wasn’t the only one shocked about the ultimatum that Britney gave Demi. Demi couldn’t directly save her, she could only keep her above water and hope that the public’s vote came as a life preserver.

“The act I’m sending home is…”

There was the mandatory moment of suspense that Demi held before she gave her answer, and although Jennel was pretty confident that Demi would choose to save her, she did feel a moment of doubt. Demi was a professional first and foremost when she was working, and she wouldn’t take any personal relationships into account when making her decision, would she? Jennel hadn’t performed as well as Paige had. Did Demi notice? What if her bias was entirely subconscious? Things made sense for a second as Jennel realized, _oh._ This was why judges were supposed to be banned from interacting with their contestants outside the competition. Situations like this.

“Paige Thomas. I’m so sorry.” 

Mario took his sweet time announcing who had garnered more votes. Jennel won.

“Paige Thomas, I’m so sorry, but this is the end of the road for you.” Khloe sounded genuinely upset.

The words broke Jennel’s train of thought. The applause was overwhelming, but the look on Paige’s face instilled a tiny thread of guilt in her. She had to remind herself that she was part of a competition, eliminations were a necessary evil. Jennel slipped off stage while the spotlights found Paige, she watched from the wings as video clips of Paige’s time at Fox were played behind a cliché song about goodbyes. She didn’t want to watch Paige fall apart on camera, so she turned to find her way into the back. The remaining contestants were standing around a TV on a rolling cart, watching on-screen Paige struggle to hold herself together. They were all silent, and Jennel felt like she was at a funeral. They’d developed a morbid tradition of standing in a huddle and watching the show in the silence of backstage: it was the same every Thursday night. It scared Jennel to think about how much smaller their little huddle became week after week. She counted the people left, and realized that Normani was gone. Jennel’s heart clenched at the thought of Normani and Arin somewhere backstage, promising each other that they weren’t saying their last goodbyes.

Every pair of eyes followed Paige as she was escorted off stage, and every head turned to watch her make her in-person appearance from around the curtain. She still hadn’t shed a tear. There were uncomfortable words exchanged, and Jennel internally laughed at how many eliminations there had been so far, and still, nobody knew what to say.

Ally was crying, she cried every time somebody was sent home. Dinah had her arms wrapped around the smaller girl, head resting on her shoulder, trying to provide some sort of silent comfort. The rest of the contestants had sadness, relief, and almost guilt written across their faces. Jennel retreated to the female contestant dressing room, not wanting to deal with the barrage of emotions that looked as though they were soon going to erupt. She hadn’t said anything to Paige, but she could talk to her when she left the mansion. Tomorrow morning Paige and Arin would drag their bags out the front door and give all of their official goodbyes- tonight was mostly for mourning.

The door clicked open to reveal Cece, who wasted no time in rushing over to crush Jennel in a hug.

“We made it,” She whispered, a smile coloring her words.

“We made it,” Jennel echoed back.

“I was going to suggest… celebrating our successes tonight,” Cece began. “But I think it would be insensitive. What with Paige leaving.”

“It’ll die down in a couple days,” Jennel reasoned, cringing at the tactless statement that had just left her mouth.

“Yeah. But really, congratulations babygirl.” Cece hugged her again before floating out of the room as quickly as she had come in.

xx

They returned to the mansion to find Paige gone. Her room was completely bare, and looked as though she had never lived in it. She’d left the venue earlier than the rest of the contestants, packed quickly, and simply left. There were murmurs of discomfort throughout the mansion when everyone became aware of the empty drawers and tightly-made bed in Paige’s room. Cece was _pissed._

“She couldn’t even fucking say goodbye?” Cece asked incredulously.

Nobody answered her. Nobody could defend Paige. She’d just up and left, had skipped all of the goodbyes.

            “She was upset…” Jennel and Cece were standing around the kitchen counter. The shock of Paige leaving had mostly worn off, and most of the contestants were in bed, but Cece wasn’t done being offended.

            “Of course she was upset, we were all upset. Nobody wanted anybody to go home. But she just left? She took all her shit and walked out like she was never here?”

            “It does kind of make me feel…” Jennel didn’t know what word she was looking for. Truthfully, she was upset too, but she hadn’t been a huge fan of Paige to begin with, and she wasn’t incredibly surprised. “Slighted?”

            “Like she didn’t ever give a fuck about us.” Cece was cussing more than Jennel had heard her in almost all of the time they’d known each other. Jennel was running out of excuses. What Paige had done _was_ rude, and it had been out of line.

            “You know what this means?” Jennel asked, suddenly remembering their earlier conversation. Cece cocked her head at the younger girl, confused.

            “Um…”

            “We can celebrate now,” Jennel winked. “I don’t feel bad about Paige leaving anymore, and she’s not here. So it won’t look like we’re rubbing it in her face.” A smile broke onto Cece’s face.

            “Be right back!” She called over her shoulder, hurrying up the stairs towards her room.

            When she came back, Cece held a bottle in each hand.

            “Pick your poison m’lady.” She smiled, setting a square-ish bottle of Captain Morgan on the counter next to an unopened bottle of Vodka.

            They find the fridge recently stocked with Pepsi: the normal kind, not the special X Factor flavors. They pour the Captain into the Pepsi cans and Cece makes a crack about how she feels like she’s back in high school again, sneaking around and getting drunk with her friends in her basement.

            They have no way of measuring their alcohol intake, so Jennel just decides to call themselves ‘kind of drunk’ and ‘pretty damn drunk’, in Cece’s case. They migrated into the lounge and were laying on their stomachs on the floor in front of the couch, giggling into Cece’s cell phone. They anonymously called Drew from a restricted number almost six times in a row, taking turns speaking in stupid accents and telling dumb jokes, before breaking into giggles and hanging up.

            “This is dumb.” Jennel said, still smiling from their last call. “He’s only one floor above us.”

            “Welllllllll who else can we call?” Cece asks, sipping from her can of Pepsi that Jennel knows is _way_ stronger than it needs to be.

            “Demi!” Jennel hadn’t really meant to volunteer Demi, but she was kind of drunk and words were just slipping out of her mouth. Cece agreed, dialed Demi’s number, and dropped the phone on the floor between the two of them, clicking the speakerphone on.

            “Hello?” Demi didn’t even sound tired. Jennel wasn’t surprised.

            “Demiiiiiiiiiii,” Jennel drawled out her name. “What’s up?”

            “Jennel?” Demi asked, sounding genuinely confused. “Isn’t this Cece’s phone…?”

            “I’m here!” Cece chimed in, laughing too loudly.

            “You guys sound drunk.” Demi chuckled. Jennel didn’t know how she knew, but she wasn’t going to deny it.

            “You sound like you should be drunk with us.” Cece interjected before Jennel had time to reply. Jennel playfully smacked Cece’s arm, pretending that she didn’t wholeheartedly agree.

            “That sounds like a terrible idea.” Demi answered. Jennel didn’t know if she was joking or not. There was a long pause before Demi’s voice rang out again. “I’m coming over.”

            Cece squealed in excitement, and Jennel only rolled her eyes, hoping that she hadn’t made a mistake in inviting Demi over. It took Demi fifteen minutes to get to the mansion, and when she opened the door, not bothering to knock, Cece tackled her in a drunken hug.

            “Heeeeey Cece,” Demi laughed, taking the blonde girl in.

            “Come hang out with us!” Cece grabbed Demi’s hand, pulling just a little too hard as she dragged her mentor into the lounge where Jennel was sprawled face-down on the couch, one arm and one leg hanging over the edge.

            “Hey!” Jennel offered, and Demi felt a twinge of relief as she realized that Jennel wasn’t drunk, or at least, wasn’t as drunk as Cece. She sat up, looking coherent, and Demi flopped down onto the couch next to her.

            “Soooooo, why are you drunk on a Thursday night?” Demi questioned, although she’d already guessed the answer.

            “We were celebrating our successes. Like not getting eliminated.” Jennel replied, leaning back into the couch.

            “And Paige is gone.” Cece added, tipping her can. Something in Demi felt unsettled at Cece’s words.

            “You’re celebrating her elimination? Look, I know she wasn’t always the friendli-“

            “No, like, she’s gone.” Jennel interrupted. “She got all of her stuff and left before we came back. She didn’t say goodbye to anyone.”

            “Oh.” Demi’s eyebrows shot to the top of her head. “Why would she do that?”

            “Good fuckin’ question.” Cece slurred. Demi narrowed her eyes playfully at the blonde girl before turning to Jennel. She questioned Jennel with her eyes, trying to see just how drunk Cece was. Jennel could only shrug and nod towards the Pepsi can in Cece’s left hand.

            “Cece’s a bit… personally offended by the whole thing.” Jennel explained.

            Demi flipped on her sarcasm. “So… you’ve been sitting around here getting drunk and being angry? That’s exciting.” Cece stuck her tongue out at the older girl.

            “Fiiiiine, let’s watch a movie then.”

            They were all piled onto the one couch. Demi sat towards one end, Jennel’s legs thrown across her lap, and a blanket covering them both. Cece occupied the opposite end of the couch, having abandoned her spiked Pepsi to wrap herself tightly in a soft blanket.

            They watched some stupid movie that Jennel couldn’t remember the name of, because she had a hard time focusing. She was more interested in the little half-cuddling that Demi had initiated. Demi had her hands folded together, resting gently atop Jennel’s knees underneath the blanket. Jennel could feel the heat radiating from the girl beneath her legs; she felt like she was enveloped in some sort of warm aura that was just very much _Demi._

__ And then Demi’s palms were flat on Jennel’s legs, just above her knees. Jennel’s eyes flicked to Demi, who was holding up a damn good charade of watching the movie. Jennel turned her head to survey Cece, who seemed to _actually_ be into the movie: surprising for a drunk girl who had a hard time focusing on one thing for more than five minutes at a time.

            She tried to refocus on the movie, she really did. But Demi’s hands were rubbing soft little circles up and down her legs, and how was she supposed to concentrate when Demi’s hands were all over her? It was when Demi’s hands began a slow descent towards Jennel’s upper thighs that she had to stop it. She found Demi’s hands beneath the blankets, softly pushing them away, back down towards her knees. She had to keep things PG, especially considering Cece was less than three feet away.

            Demi felt Jennel reject her advances, but she could also see the way Jennel’s breathing picked up speed every time she touched the inside of her thigh, she noticed the way Jennel’s pupils dilated. So she continued her effort, trying again to trace up the inside of Jennel’s thighs.

            Jennel gently redirected Demi’s hands for a second time. She was confused about what was going on. Was Demi toying with her again, or was she _actually_ trying to have sex with Jennel? The idea of sex with Demi made an appearance in her mind, and although she’d dreamt about it countless times, the idea itself was terrifying. They’d kissed once. Barely. Was Demi really ready to take this… _thing_ that they had that far? Just like that?

            Jennel felt the weight shift a bit on the couch, and Cece rocked to her feet, untangling the blanket from herself.

            “I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” she said, yawning. Jennel smiled as the girl just barely tripped- she was definitely still drunk.

Jennel had just swiveled her head back towards the movie when Demi’s lips assaulted her. She was hard and fast and insistent, and before Jennel even realized she was being kissed, she was on her back on the couch and Demi’s tongue was in her mouth. She was hesitant at first, confused about what had just happened. But then her brain registered the hot feeling of Demi’s mouth and the softness of Demi’s body pressing down into hers, and her body reacted before her mind did. She kissed back, all lips and tongue, and her hands found their way onto Demi’s waist and at the small of her back.

            The threat of Cece re-entering the room is what finally snapped Jennel back to reality, and she pushed Demi off of her, sitting up. She hadn’t expected their first real kiss to be much like this either. She was (a little bit) drunk, and Demi was just horny. Jennel wasn’t sure how far Demi was trying to go tonight. A twinge of anger touched her. It was all too fucking confusing.

            “What… what is this?” Jennel asked, her voice not quite conveying her exasperation.

            “What do you mean?” Demi leaned back and settled into the couch, answered Jennel nonchalantly. Like she hadn’t just been moments from ripping Jennel’s clothing off.

            “I mean, you just kiss me whenever you want? I’m just your plaything for whenever you feel like it?” Jennel’s voice was harsh and biting. She wasn’t ever an angry drunk, but she was almost positive that none of those words would have fallen out had she have been sober.

            Demi’s eyes registered hurt for a fraction of a second, then anger and retaliation, before reverting back and taking on their amused sparkle. She sat forward, hand reaching out to rest on Jennel’s leg.

            “First of all…” She spoke quietly, eyes cast downwards. “…That’s not at all what I thought this was.” Her hand slid a bit higher up Jennel’s leg. “And I think you’re forgetting,” she continued. “If you _were_ my plaything, I’d be yours too.”

            Jennel’s mind went blank.

            Cece’s impeccable timing saved Jennel from having to struggle to form an appropriate response.

            “I’m back!” She whispered loudly. She flopped back down onto her side of the couch, completely oblivious to the blush on Jennel’s cheeks and the slight swelling of Demi’s lips. She also failed to notice that the blanket that had previously been thrown casually over Jennel and Demi was now on the ground. Demi picked it back up, smoothing it out over their legs and replacing her hands beneath the blanket, on Jennel’s knees.

            When the movie ended, Cece had to be woken up, and the darkness that the lack of TV light cast on the lounge made it difficult for Cece to drunkenly navigate her way up the stairs alone. Demi and Jennel walked her towards her room, flanking her as she climbed the stairs. She’d been more drunk than either of them had realized.

            All three of them jumped, Cece just a bit late- due to her reaction time- when they almost ran into Beatrice rounding the corner.

            “Beatrice?” Jennel asked, confused as to why the younger girl was awake at almost three in the morning.

            “Um…” Beatrice began, before turning her head and noticing Demi Lovato. “Demi…?”

            “Hey Beatrice.” Demi smiled, praying that the girl wouldn’t question them.

            “Beeeeaaaaaaa!” Cece slurred. Beatrice’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion for a moment, and then she caught on. She gave a small smile of amusement.

            “You better put her in bed.” She said, nodding towards the blonde who was trying to hug her. Jennel swore it was the most motherly tone she’d ever heard from a thirteen year old.

            “Workin’ on it…” Jennel promised, steering Cece towards the doorway to their shared room. When she was confident that Cece had found her way safely into bed, Jennel returned to stand by Demi, who was struggling to find the right words to say to Beatrice. Jennel was seconds away from opening her mouth when Beatrice’s eyes locked onto her own. She watched as Beatrice’s eyes flicked from Demi back to her, from her to Demi. Then Beatrice cocked her head at the tiniest angle, and gave Jennel a serious look that she couldn’t for the life of her understand the meaning of.

            “I’m gonna… goodnight.” Beatrice turned on her heel, never having accomplished what she left her room to do, and never revealing to the girls why she was awake in the middle of the night to start with.

            Demi and Jennel took the stairs quietly and slowly, walking side by side in a comfortable silence, not discussing the strange exchange they’d just had with a thirteen year old. Jennel wasn’t surprised that they ultimately found themselves back on the couch in the lounge, a room that now held a good amount of Jennel’s favorite memories from her time in the competition. They sunk back into the soft fabric of the couch, closing their eyes and just enjoying the silence. Jennel began to worry that Demi was asleep, when Demi broke the silence.

            “You know I never meant for you to be a… plaything.”

            Jennel smiled. Had Demi been thinking about that comment since she made it? Had Jennel been on her mind for the past few hours?

            “No, I get it.” Jennel answered nonchalantly. “I really do understand.”

            “I just… it’s casual, you know?” Demi had scooted herself closer to Jennel throughout the conversation, and on her last question, she had grabbed Jennel’s hand, interlacing their fingers.

            Jennel spent a moment attempting to come up with some sort of intelligent response, but instead found herself caught up in the feel of Demi’s hands on her own. Jennel had nodded her agreement and contributed to a second awkward silence, when she finally asked the question she craved the answer to.

            “So are we like friends with benefits?” She tried not to sound as desperate for the answer as she felt. Demi didn’t flinch, made no indication that she’d even heard the question.

            “I don’t know.” She answered, still rubbing tiny circles on the backs of Jennel’s hands with her thumbs. “I don’t… I don’t know. I’m not used to stuff like this, okay? I know it seems like I am, but I’m not.”

            “You mean like…?” Jennel wasn’t sure how she planned on ending her question, because she honestly didn’t have a clue what Demi was talking about.

            “Feelings, relationships, titles… I don’t really know how any of it works. It’s easier for me to just go with things. If I act confident enough it usually just... works out.”

            Jennel wasn’t sure how to answer Demi. Part of her went soft at the realization that Demi was opening up to her. Another part of Jennel panicked just the tiniest bit. Neither of them knew what they were doing, what their plans were, what would happen if Jennel was sent home. They were both in so far over their heads, and Jennel had been secretly hoping that Demi would be the one to pull her out of the confusion. Now she was learning that Demi wasn’t any less confused than she herself was. 

            “I guess we don’t really have to know.” Jennel said. She disagreed with the words even as they left her mouth, but she didn’t see any alternatives. They had no idea what they were, and neither of them really knew what they wanted from each other. They could just… be. Demi cocked her head and lightly narrowed her eyes at Jennel before smiling in agreement and resuming her gentle rubbing of Jennel’s hand. There was a comfortably quiet pause.

            “You know…” Demi began, sounding devious. “…I’ve been thinking about getting another tattoo.” Jennel raised an eyebrow.

            “Of what?”

            “I’m not completely sure yet.”

Jennel wondered if the conversation was going somewhere important, settling on asking, “Where?”

Demi tightened her grip on Jennel’s hand, pulling it across the space between them and setting it atop her knee. Jennel watched Demi guide her hand to the older girl’s leg before looking up and meeting Demi’s eyes. Demi’s hand pulled Jennel’s slowly upwards, dragging gently and painfully slowly up the inside of Demi’s thigh. Demi’s eyes were dark and mischievous, and their eye contact was burning at an intensity that Jennel had never experienced. She felt her hand being dragged further upwards, but she didn’t dare look away from Demi’s eyes to see what was going to happen next.        

Demi’s hand was insistent, and Jennel felt every detail of the fabric beneath her fingers as her hand slid closer and closer to the apex of Demi’s thighs. Demi’s eyes sparkled in amusement as she pressed Jennel’s fingers into her inseam, the very inside of the highest part of her thigh.

“I was thinking, maybe right… here.” She said, her hand releasing Jennel’s and her eyes still boring into Jennel’s.

“But nobody would see it.” Jennel argued, staring back. She took control for a moment, pressing the tips of her fingers into Demi’s thigh, and taking pride in the way Demi’s lips parted involuntarily to let out a breath.

Demi’s eyebrow quirked up scandalously. “Nobody? Are you sure about that?” Demi’s hand left the top of Jennel’s to snake around the back of Jennel’s neck. She closed the distance between them slowly, pressing her lips fully to Jennel’s and daring Jennel to move her hand that extra inch that she was craving.

            Jennel slid her tongue along Demi’s bottom lip, deepening the kiss. The hand on Demi’s thigh slid to the older girl’s abdomen, where she slipped her fingers beneath shirt and reveled in how soft Demi’s skin was. They were moving closer to each other, eliminating all space between them, and Jennel’s hand was dropping to Demi’s waistband when a loud _crash_ interrupted them.

Demi jumped at the noise, and ended up standing a few feet away from Jennel, eyes wide with panic. Jennel couldn’t tell if the girl was more shocked by the sound or terrified of being caught. Jennel stood, grabbing Demi’s hand and walking them both towards the kitchen, where the sound had come from.

She’d just barely rounded the corner, Demi in tow behind her, when she saw Camila bent over something on the ground.

“Uh Camila… What are you doing?” Jennel asked. Camila spun around too quickly and almost lost her balance.      

“I’m sorry! Did I wake you up? I’m so sorry, I was just making sandwiches, Lauren and I—” Jennel glanced down to see that Camila had been picking up a small plastic plate that she’d dropped: the source of the crashing noise that had interrupted her and Demi.

“You didn’t wake us up, it’s okay.” Demi spoke smoothly, revealing herself from behind Jennel. She walked nonchalantly over towards the fridge, pulling it open and grabbing a water bottle from the inside of the door.

“Sorry. Um… I’m just…” Camila’s eyes went wide when she saw Demi. They flicked from Demi to Jennel, and back to Demi. She grabbed a plate with a sandwich she’d been making on it and took off down the hallway, mumbling an “okay, bye” as she left.

Demi smiled against the water bottle at her lips, shaking her head slightly. Jennel wasn’t sure what was so funny. Camila had obviously noticed _something_ , the way she was acting.

            “Do you think she knew?” Jennel questioned seriously. Demi only laughed. There was a light _thunk_ of footfalls as Camila sped back into the kitchen and snatched a second plate off of the counter.

            “Forgot one, sorry, sorry!” She spat out, racing out of the kitchen, embarrassed.

            “She’s still starstruck,” Demi said quietly. “She doesn’t know anything, don’t worry.” Demi’s words helped to partially assuage Jennel’s fears, but she was still concerned with the fact that multiple other contestants now knew that Demi was hanging around the mansion in the middle of the night. It didn’t look good.

            Jennel snapped out of her own thoughts in time to catch Demi advancing on her, walking her backwards until her shoulders hit the wall.

            “Can I help you?” Jennel asked sarcastically as Demi touched their foreheads together, their lips inches from each other. Demi silenced Jennel’s sass with a slow kiss to the younger girls neck, her hands gripping the hem of Jennel’s shirt of their own accord. She balled Jennel’s shirt into her fists and pressed her back against the wall even harder, her tongue laving Jennel’s collarbone. They had just reconnected at the lips, a passionate, breathtaking kiss, when they heard a loud gasp.

            Demi tore her lips away from Jennel’s to turn and find Camila standing in the doorway for a third time.

            “Napkins…” she tried to speak but shock silenced her sentence. “I… I forgot to get the… Sorry.” And Camila spun on her heel, hightailing it back to her room.

            Jennel closed her eyes in the silence following Camila’s departure, and Demi groaned, mortified.

            “ _Fuck.”_ Jennel mumbled into Demi’s shoulder, hiding her face. “Fuck.”


	6. Six

Demi’s hands dropped from Jennel and she pulled away quickly, turning to go after Camila. Jennel breathed out, undecided if she should be embarrassed or terrified, before following Demi.

            Demi reached the end of the hall, only seconds behind Camila. She pulled the door to the girls’ room open without knocking, met with the sight of Lauren sitting crosslegged on her bed in front of her laptop, plate in her lap. She was turned toward Camila, who was making her way to the spot on the bed next to Lauren.

            “What do you mean ‘there aren’t any’? There has to be some napkins somewh-“ She fell silent, her mouth open in a tiny ‘o’ when she caught sight of Demi Lovato standing in her doorway. “Demi…?”

            “Yeah, hi. Um, Camila, can I talk to you for a second?” Demi tried to keep her voice level but her stomach had dropped, her reality falling into panic.

            “Sure,” Camila agreed, hopping out of the doorway merrily but looking equally as scared as Demi felt. Camila exited the room and the door clicked shut just as Jennel rounded the corner, joining the conversation.

            “Did you tell Lauren?” Demi asked quietly.

            “No, and I swear I’ll keep it a secret, I promise I--“ Camila began spluttering and trying to force words out. Demi held up a hand patiently and Camila’s words quieted. She looked like she was about to faint. They both did.

            “Camila,” Demi began with a sigh, pronouncing Camila’s name with more of an English lilt than Spanish. “You have to understand that Jennel and I—“

            Camila’s face lit up. “No, no, that’s the thing! It kind of caught me off guard but I’m totally on board and I think you guys are _so_ cute together!” She was giggling and smiley and trying very very hard to keep the mood light.

            Jennel watched the entire exchange, curious as to how Demi planned on talking her way out of being caught with her tongue down her contestant’s throat. Demi’s face remained straight, and when she spoke again, she was serious and intense and invaded Camila’s personal space just enough to get her point across.

            “We’re not together. We kissed- that one time, and it wasn’t supposed to happen. It won’t happen again. As far as you and I are concerned, it _never happened._ Okay?”

            It plucked at a nerve in Jennel. She felt a twinge of inexplicable pain, but brushed it off and chalked it up to Demi’s superb acting skills.

            “I just…” Camila’s eyes dropped to the floor. She traced her eyes around the small section of hallway that they were all enclosed in, avoiding any sort of eye contact. “What… what _are_ you guys? Like…if you don’t mind me asking.” She looked timid and terrified and as if that single question had sucked all of the confidence from her being.

            Jennel wanted to laugh out loud. _She doesn’t know any more than you do_.

            “We’re friends. There was just… a moment. We’re just friends. And we work together.” Demi was so convincing that Jennel might have believed her if she couldn’t still feel the press of the older girl’s lips on her neck.

Camila’s nodded furiously. She’d never been on the other end of business-only Demi and the tone that Demi usually saved for the young adults felt like a punch in the gut to the fifteen-year-old. She whispered another quick apology, eyes flicking to meet Jennel, who hadn’t said anything during this entire conversation. Jennel held her gaze for a moment before Camila broke it, looking quickly between the two girls and quietly dismissing herself, turning the door handle to get back into her shared room with Lauren.

The moment the door clicked shut, Jennel’s eyes snapped to Demi’s. A little smirk graced the older girl’s features.

“That was the most serious I’ve ever seen her,” Demi said.

J ennel didn’t know how to reply, and instead turned to make her way back towards the kitchen, pushing herself up into a sitting position on the counter. Demi followed closely behind, falling backwards into a chair. Jennel could feel the uncomfortable silence between them and racked her brain for the right thing to say to break it.

“That was… intense.” Jennel said cautiously.

“Yeah, I’ve been told I’m a pretty good kisser.” Demi replied casually, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Jennel wasn’t sure if Demi was being serious- and then she looked up to see Demi’s face break into a smile. “Sorry. I deflect with humor.” Jennel couldn’t help but smirk along with her- it was true, and she _was_ a good kisser.

“Okay, yes. But I meant with Camila.” Jennel elaborated.

“I know, I feel kind of bad for blowing up on her like that. But at the same time, we couldn’t run the risk of her thinking we were like a _couple_ or something, could we?” Something in Jennel broke a bit at the way Demi’s voice changed when she said ‘couple.’ Like it was such a far-fetched notion, despite the fact that they’ve made a habit out of hooking up literally _whenever_ they can; Demi said it like it was a dirty word. She knew that whatever friends with benefits situation that they tied themselves up in couldn’t last forever; but she hadn’t thought of what might happen when it _did_ end. She hadn’t thought that they would _date_ , that they’d end up living ‘happily ever after’ in a world full of power, prestige, and paparazzi. She didn’t want any of that anyway- she was barely nineteen years old. She didn’t want a serious relationship and she didn’t want to settle down; she wasn’t looking for much more than good friends, (good sex) and happiness. Right now, she had (almost) all of those things, and she was perfectly content.

So the tiny part of Jennel that reared up when Demi scoffed at the idea of the two of them as a couple was incredibly confusing. She pushed the feelings back down in time to react to Demi standing up and was making her way in front of Jennel, whose legs were dangling off of the edge of the counter she was perched on. Demi nudged Jennel’s knees apart with her hip, leaning forward and placing herself completely between Jennel’s legs.

“Here we are again,” Demi smiled, wrapping her arms around Jennel’s neck and crossing them at the wrist.

“Something about this kitchen…” Jennel smiled subtly as Demi touched her forehead to Jennel’s just before pressing her lips to the younger girl’s.

Their kisses always escalated quickly, and when Jennel’s legs wrapped around Demi’s to pull her closer, Demi pulled back reluctantly.

“We probably shouldn’t be doing this here. After we just got caught.” Her reasoning appealed to Jennel’s mind, but Jennel’s body had completely other plans, and she reached forward with her lips to touch them to the dimple of Demi’s chin.

“Mmmm, probably not.” She mumbled in agreement, peppering little kisses up the contour of Demi’s jaw. An idea struck her, and she pulled back to take Demi in completely. She desperately wanted to ask the older girl to come back to her room with her, but something held her back. A part of her was petrified without explanation. She felt like she was asking Demi out for the first time, she felt like she did when Demi had kissed her without warning that day in the supply closet. Her heart stuttered and she decided to just go for it before she had time to overthink her question. “You could come back to my room with me though.”

Demi raised an eyebrow a bit involuntarily and when she cocked her head just a tad to the side, Jennel fought hard to keep a smile from exploding onto her own face. Demi had no idea how _cute_ she was.

“Do you think that’s a good idea? After everything that just happened?” Demi’s words enforced an entirely different argument than her body did. She was trying to come up with reasons not to follow Jennel back to her room, but she was enjoying the soft feeling of Jennel’s thumb pressing into her hip far too much to just turn away and go home.

“Everyone’s asleep, it’s no big deal.” Jennel assured her.

The idea of people sleeping reminded Demi of the girl they put to bed not so long ago. “Nothing can happen, you know. Cece’s up there.” Jennel smiled at Demi as she slid off of the counter, her hands keeping themselves on Demi’s hips. She pushed forward into Demi as she slipped down, effectively grinding herself against Demi as her feet touched the floor.

“I know, I know. I wasn’t planning on it.” She giggled as she made her way to the stairs, tip-toeing up them. Her foot caught for just a moment on the third step, and her hand flew out to the railing next to her. She prevented herself from falling, but it was a subtle reminder of the alcohol that had been in her system only a few hours before.

They reached the top of the stairs and clicked open the door to Jennel and Cece’s room, finding the light still on. Cece was passed out on her bed, still in the clothes she’d been wearing during the day. The striking blonde of her hair was splayed haphazardly over her pillow and her eye makeup was smudged, but the flickering movements of her eyes behind her eyelids told Jennel that Cece wasn’t going to be waking up anytime soon.

Jennel reached up towards her bunk to turn on a small lamp she had hooked into her headboard, and walked back towards the door to flip off the lightswitch. The room darkened considerably but the light on her bed illuminated her bunk, and the goddess of a girl that was currently lounging in it. Jennel climbed the four-rung ladder to her bunk to greet Demi, who was sitting cross-legged with her back against the wall. The light was low but it was bright enough that Jennel crawled on all-fours towards Demi and was able to find the older girl’s lips on the first try. Her hand came up to cradle Demi’s face of its own accord, and the rest of her body followed. She situated herself into a sitting position similar to Demi’s, their knees overlapping and their legs touching.

Jennel pulled out of the kiss first, trying to read Demi, but Demi grabbed the ties on Jennel’s sweatshirt and jokingly used them to pull Jennel back into a kiss. Then Demi’s in control and her lips are soft and her tongue is hot on Jennel’s- and she keeps pushing, trying to get herself closer and closer to Jennel until Demi is suddenly on top and they’re trying to turn themselves so that Jennel doesn’t fall off of the bed. Demi’s in her lap and has her hands tangled into Jennel’s hair and just as Jennel is snaking an arm around Demi’s neck, their kiss breaks into a giggle. Demi’s lips don’t stray far from Jennel’s, and Jennel can feel the heat of Demi’s breath on her collarbone as Demi laughs quietly into Jennel’s neck.

“Ummm…” Jennel tried to look thoroughly confused, but ended up simply looking amused- Demi’s laughter was contagious and impossible not to pick up on.

“I just…” Demi began, push back more giggles. “This is kind of weird with Cece right below us. I don’t know, I just had this mental picture of us, and her right below us, and I just—” her laugh caught up with her again.

“Whatever,” Jennel smiled into the corner of Demi’s mouth. “She’s definitely not waking up anytime soon.” A tiny ripple of laughter broke from Demi again, and Jennel began wondering if the early hour of the morning was getting to Demi’s head. She was more interested in kissing Demi than finding out, though, and she caught the end of Demi’s laughs with her own mouth, effectively shutting the older girl up.

They’d kissed countless times before, but the moment that their lips connected, Jennel could feel that this kiss was something different. It was softer than it had been before, gentler. Jennel’s hand came up and her finger tucked a strand of Demi’s hair over her ear, her hand coming to a rest at the crook of Demi’s neck and her shoulder. Demi was less dominant this time, and the give and take of the kiss took her breath away. Jennel was holding her like she was fragile and everything was soft lips and gentle hands and light breaths. Demi escalated the kiss first, touching her tongue tentatively to the softest part of Jennel’s mouth and meeting Jennel’s tongue with her own when the younger girl’s lips parted. Their mouths connected fully and Jennel felt like she was underwater- the air around her was thick and the weight of Demi leaning against her was comfortably heavy, her anchor. She sat the two of them back up, and when Demi’s arm wrapped around her waist to scoot them closer together, Jennel let go. She melted into Demi’s embrace and she kissed Demi that little bit harder. Their lips moved slowly and it was all warm and soft and languid. None of their kisses had ever been anything like this before.

Jennel could feel pressure building around her and emotions were reaching their breaking points- she started losing her breath and she felt like she and Demi had connected on a deeper level than either of them had expected. Demi felt the change in the atmosphere too, and Jennel worked against her mentor as Demi began trying to attach her lips to Jennel’s collarbone.          

The kiss was more than that, more than a few light hickeys that would be gone by morning and more than a hot make out session in the middle of the night. Jennel hadn’t noticed it at the time, but when she threaded her fingers gingerly through Demi’s hair and brought their lips together for what felt like the first time all over again, she was breaking down barriers and crossing lines that hadn’t ever been specified in the first place.

Demi was subconsciously fighting her, kissing her back with a vigor that matched their usual kisses- trying to find her way in the chaos of new feelings and defaulting to what she knew best. Demi wanted hot and sexual and a different kind of passion, but Jennel was melting and falling apart in the best way possible and she was nowhere near ready to stop herself. Jennel felt the moment that Demi surrendered, gave in to whatever it was that was going on in this kiss. Jennel’s hands were on either side of Demi’s neck, her thumbs drawing soft little circles in the sensitive spots just below her ears. When Demi pulled away from the kiss to close her eyes and rest her forehead against Jennel’s (something she seemed to really like doing), it was clear to Jennel that they were escalating from ‘friends with benefits’ into something much more fucking difficult to label.

They kissed for what felt like hours, hands resting heavily on each other and tension continuing to build. Jennel’s hands slipped beneath the thin shirt that Demi was wearing and fell to Demi’s abdomen. She relished the feel of Demi’s tongue against her own and caressed her hands over Demi’s stomach, scratching lightly with her nails. A series of shivers manifested themself in Demi’s reactions and Jennel smirked against Demi’s lips as she reveled in what such a simple touch could do to somebody. When her palms flattened back out onto the soft of Demi’s stomach and her fingers began to carefully ghost Demi’s skin- something snapped.

Demi pulled out of the kiss too quickly, and Jennel didn’t even have time to remove her arm from around Demi’s waist or her hand from Demi’s hair. It was dark and the air was still heavy with unsaid words, and when Demi didn’t speak for a moment, Jennel looked up to meet her eyes. The soft light from the lamp on the headboard illuminated the shadows of Demi’s face and put a lightness in Demi’s eyes that Jennel didn’t recognize.

They stared at each other for longer than any standard eye contact. There was no verbal communication, only a shared perspective on this new… _thing_ that had just happened.

Demi blinked and jerked her head away. Jennel’s hands pulled away from Demi quickly in surprise, and then the older girl was pulling her shirt down and climbing down from the bed.

“I really should get going.”

That’s all she said.

She was down the little ladder and in her car on the way home within six minutes. Jennel was blindsided by Demi’s sudden departure, but curled into her bed that night with an entirely new spectrum of emotions to attempt to identify.

She spent longer than she’d ever admit over-thinking Demi’s conversation with Camila. It had felt more real than she was okay with. Seeing Demi run out of the house like she was making an escape amplified her niggling little doubts that maybe Demi had meant what she said to Camila. Another part of her argued that Demi _was_ an actor. Demi was good at making people believe what she wanted them to; a trait that colored her past and held the history of dark intentions.

Jennel squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to take a deep breath. Whatever had just happened, Demi felt it. Demi felt it and Demi ran from it, and that fear of scaring Demi away pulled at every part of Jennel. She tried taking another deep breath in, exhaling and ridding herself of all of her negative thoughts as she did so. Her hand ghosted her own lips, she could still feel Demi’s there. She could still feel the hand tugging at the hair at the nape of her neck and she still felt the warm feeling that had manifested itself in her when Demi was in her arms. She pulled the sheet around her as tight as she could, only allowing comfortable thoughts and the good memories of Demi to lull her to sleep.

Jennel awoke to the sound of doors opening and closing. She heard whispers as she let her eyes adjust to the bright light of the room. A female voice. A male voice. The second one pushed Jennel to sitting halfway up, stretching out over her bunk in an attempt to see what was going on in the room below her. The voices were softer now, coming from her bathroom.

Was Cece in there? Her eyes widened and she froze, straining her ears to listen for the signs that she may have just woken up to something decidedly private going on in the bathroom. But who would Cece have taken in there? She remained still, listening closely, but heard only the muffled tone of a guy. Just as she convinced herself to get out of bed, the door opened, and Drew walked out. His eyes fell on Jennel’s just as he was clicking the bathroom door shut.

“Uhh…” He tried.

“Drew?” Jennel was speechless. Had he and Cece just...? Cece emerged from the bathroom at that moment, almost running into Drew. Her skin was pale and she moved slowly, and Jennel recognized the hangover before she even recognized her roommate. Cece slumped towards her bed, grabbed her phone from the little table next to it, and dragged herself back into the bathroom without saying a word. With the door still open, Jennel could see clearly as the blonde slowly lowered herself onto the ground and rested her head on the bathtub only inches away from the toilet seat.

Jennel looked back to Drew, who was staring at his feet in discomfort.

“I heard her throwing up when I walked by, and I knocked but…” He mumbled, face still downcast. “I thought she might need help.”

Jennel studied him for a moment before stretching her arms and flipping the covers off of her body. He still didn’t meet her eye as she climbed down the ladder to her bunk and faced him, peering around his shoulder to keep an eye on Cece.

“That was really sweet of you,” she admitted with a smile. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel a _little_ bad about the way she’d rejected him, so she stayed friendly and hoped he’d warm up to her again.

“ It’s nothing,” he said. “But what did you guys  _do_ last night?”

A s if on command, Cece groaned and dropped her head forward as she lurched and retched into the toilet. Drew quickly appeared behind her, pulling her hair towards the nape of her neck. Jennel’s eyebrow rose at the sight. He was being gentle and caring and  _tender._

Cece sat back against the cold ceramic of the bathtub and seemed to notice Jennel for the first time.

“I’m not that bad, I swear. I remember everything and I feel okay besides… this.” She made a general gesture that encompassed her entire body, and if she hadn’t been so visibly sick, Jennel would have laughed.

“You look…pretty bad.” Jennel offered with a friendly smile. She pulled her phone from her pocket, setting it down on the counter before squatting to make eye contact with Cece.

“I’m not, I’m not. Leave me alone.” Cece tried to smile as she said it, but Jennel knew that she wasn’t really kidding.

“Okay. Text me if you need me.” They’d been through this a few times before, although sometimes it was Jennel on the bathroom floor the next morning. Cece nodded in agreement and let her eyes fall shut in exhaustion. “C’mon.” Jennel nudged Drew as she exited the bathroom.

“You’re leaving her here?” He asked, looking mortified and embarrassed all at once.

“She’s okay, we just need to stop bothering her.” Jennel insisted, clamping her hand around Drew’s massive bicep and pulling him towards the door with her. “We can just get breakfast.” He didn’t voice any protests as she led him down towards the kitchen, pulling a bag of bread out of the fridge.

She grabbed four slices from the loaf before sliding it down the counter in Drew’s direction. It was quiet, and she knew that he was happy to have something to do other than discuss the tension between them. Jennel pulled two plates from a cabinet and dropped all four slices of bread into a toaster, setting the timer and dropping herself into a chair while she waited.

She studied Drew, who had abandoned the bread and was busying himself with a bagel. She watched him devote all of his focus to cutting the bagel down the middle, and she read the discomfort in his body language as he noticed that he’d have to wait for Jennel’s toast to pop out of the toaster before he could put his own bagel in. She saw him realize that they would have to speak after all, forced into conversation by a kitchen appliance on a too-long timer. She broke the silence first, feeling 100% less weird about the situation than Drew.

“Thank you for helping with Cece, really.” She offered.

“No problem.” He said it like he was relieved, like he was glad that she was only interested in meaningless casual conversation. Jennel wasn’t having it.

“Why are you so awkward?” It was blunt and a little bit offensive, but she didn’t want to take it back. “You’re so weird around me now. We don’t speak at _all_ anymore.”

He leaned back against the counter and gripped it with his hands. “I’m not.” They both knew he was lying, so he broke. “I don’t know.” He let out with a huge sigh. “I don’t mean to be. Honestly, it’s probably just a bruised ego.”

“Well, stop.” Jennel smiled. “It’s annoying.” Drew smiled back.

“Sorry.” He smirked apologetically. “So uh… how _are_ you guys?” Jennel knew he was referring to herself and Demi, and for a second she almost forgot that Drew believed them to be in a committed relationship.

The toaster beeped, and four slices of perfectly browned bread popped out of the top. Jennel grabbed them with her bare hands, dropping two onto each plate before putting Drew’s bagel into the toaster and resetting it for him.

“We’re, uh… we’re good.” She responded lightly, hoping that he wasn’t looking for any sort of detail. “Oh, and grab her some water.” She nodded her head towards the staircase, and Drew picked up on the reference to Cece, pulling a water bottle out of the fridge.

“Well, she’s a lucky gal.” His voice took on a mocking tone, and he pointed at Jennel with both pointer fingers, trying to jokingly sell his lame complement. Then he paused for a second before turning a bit more serious. “Damn, you’re both lucky. _Really_ lucky.” His eyes widened just a bit, and Jennel hurried to reply.

“Thank you, thanks. We really are.” She spoke loudly, trying to snap him out of whatever girl on girl fantasy was playing through his head.

The toaster _ding_ ed and Drew grabbed his bagel on his way out, following Jennel who was already making her way back towards the stairs, a plate in each hand. Drew hurried to catch up to Jennel, falling into step with her as they both began ascending the staircase.

“Since we’re friends again, you do realize that if she breaks your heart she’ll have to deal with me.” Jennel could hear the way he was wiggling his eyebrows in his voice, and she didn’t even turn to make eye contact. Her eyes rolled, hard.

“You’d never say a word to her.” She smirked.

“Of course not, she terrifies me.” Drew admitted through a mouthful of bagel. “But I’m your friend; I’m supposed to say that I’ve got your back. Or something.” He shrugged playfully and Jennel only rolled her eyes again.

            They reached the top of the stairs and Drew slowed his pace, subconsciously slowing Jennel also.

            “So you guys are good, but… is it _good?_ ” He asked, a mischievous glint in his eye. Jennel’s face remained stoic, and she blinked slowly at him as though he was a particularly slow child.

            “You’re wondering how hot it is when we fuck?” She was sarcastic, her word choice shocking on purpose. Drew’s eyes almost bugged out of his head.

            “I, uh… I j—” Jennel burst into laughter as his face turned a hundred shades of red.

            “I’m messing with you.” She said, trying to contain her laughter.

            “Awww,” Drew made puppy dog eyes. “Don’t tell me that. I had the best mental image…” She bumped him with her hip and rolled her eyes.

            “Camila did catch us making out though.” 

            Drew’s eyebrows shot up, and Jennel wanted to take the words and stuff them back into her mouth. She shouldn’t have told him that. She needed _less_ people to know, and she was going to singlehandedly ruin whatever incredible _thing_ she had with Demi with her huge mouth.

            “Really…?” Drew asked quizzically.

            “Yeah. But I shouldn’t have said that. Just- shhh. Open the door.” She said to him, conveying her seriousness with her eyes. He nodded, and she knew that he understood.

            Jennel set both plates she’d been carrying on the small coffee table near the foot of their bunk beds. Drew followed her through the door, tossing the water bottle across the room with a “here”. Jennel caught it and crossed to one of the dressers pushed against the wall, digging through the top shelf. She pulled a tiny bottle of Advil from the bag, and nudged the door to the bathroom open with her foot. She reached out, prepared to hand the water bottle to Cece, when she looked down and her heart dropped into her stomach.

            Cece was leaning back against the tub, her eyes wide and her face shocked as she looked at the phone in her hands. Jennel’s phone.

            Jennel dropped the water bottle as she lunged for her phone. Cece didn’t try to fight back as Jennel snatched the phone from her hands and read the words on the screen. It was a text conversation from a few days ago, one that Jennel had almost forgotten about. She read the words and closed her eyes, mortified. She looked up to meet Cece’s eyes, which were dark and fierce and possibly angry.

            “Close the door.” Cece growled, nodding her head towards the door to the bathroom.

            Jennel swallowed and obeyed, setting her phone onto the counter again, the text messages still visible on the screen. The first, from her.

** So I could have pushed you up against the wall in the kitchen and our lips would have lined up perfectly **

And the second, the one that Cece had undoubtedly just read.

**             Demi (12:24PM): I would have had to pick you up, set you on the counter, and get between your legs to kiss you. **


	7. Seven.

            She leans back against the door that she’s just clicked shut, lifts her eyes from the spot on the floor she’s trained them on and meets the anger in Cece’s. She brings both hands up and drags them down her face as she slides down the door behind her.

            “I’m sorry,” she whispers, eyes closed, the words slipping out between fingers that now cover her mouth.

            When she opens her eyes again, she can’t read Cece’s face. The blonde girl is visibly upset, but she can’t quite place the expression on her face; it’s not _just_ anger. Cece closes her eyes, squeezes them shut, like she’s trying to shake the entire situation from her head. Jennel reaches up towards the counter next to her and grabs her phone, crosses her legs and clutches it in her lap. In the back of her mind she can appreciate the irony of the situation- she’s holding her iPhone like it’s a lifeline even though it’s the very thing that has just fucked her over. Cece’s eyes follow her movements accusingly, and her gaze locks on Jennel’s knuckles, white around the phone. 

            Jennel starts taking in the gravity of the situation, the things that Cece might have just brought crumbling down. Her career, Demi’s. Her chance in the competition. The thoughts give her pause, and she thinks back to not so long ago when the exact same thoughts were running through her head. Is this what being with Demi meant? Constant panic, constant worry that one or both of them would end up ruined?

            “Um… are you guys okay?” Drew’s voice breaks Jennel’s train of thoughts. Shit. She forgot about him.

            “We’re fine. Thanks for helping out. See you later.” Cece’s tone is clipped and even Drew realizes he’s been dismissed. There’s silence for a moment as Drew tries to figure out what’s going on, and Jennel hears the confusion in his muffled “see you later…” that trails off with the sound of his retreating footsteps on the other side of the door.

            Jennel looks up. Cece reminds her of a tiger, and Jennel’s stuck in a cage with her. She starts thinking that maybe dismissing Drew wasn’t a good idea, because now she’ll have to fight her way out of this situation alone, and Cece’s ruthless.

            There’s silence.

            Jennel feels tears prick the back of her eyes.

            “I’m sorry.” She whispers again, trying to push back the threat of tears and fight the break in her voice.

            “Stop it.” Cece replies, and there’s an emotion laced into her words than Jennel still doesn’t recognize. “Stop.” Softer, this time. She can see Jennel crumbling.

            Jennel looks down into her lap, at her hands wrapped protectively around her phone. “I don’t know what to say.” She sounds as defeated as she feels.

            Cece makes a noise that sounds almost like a bitter kind of laugh. “I’d start with some kind of explanation. Like when this started, or how, or _why_ the fuck you’re sexting our celebrity mentor on a singing competition?” Jennel feels Cece’s eyes boring into her as her words invade Jennel’s conscience.

            Cece’s voice gains intensity as she speaks and her anger is more than obvious by the time she’s finished. Jennel breaks for a second, a single tear slipping out of the corner of her eye. She catches it with her thumb and wipes away all traces of her momentary lapse. It’s only once she’s got her mouth halfway open to explain that she realizes she doesn’t know _how_ to explain what’s going on. She focuses on the first two questions, the ones she has concrete answers to.

            “I don’t… I don’t know how long ago. Two weeks, maybe?” She risks looking up towards Cece, whose eyes quickly widen.

            “ _Two wee—“_

__ “I don’t know _how_ it happened okay?” Jennel’s voice gets louder and she cuts Cece off, not wanting to hear the disappointment in the older girl’s voice. “It was supposed to just be a joke, it was a joke. It was all a joke, because—“ Jennel suddenly realizes she’s yelling. Her voice drops to a whisper as she lets out a pleading defense. “We were trying to get Drew off my back. We… told him we were together. It escalated…”

            She couldn’t meet Cece’s eyes, and she couldn’t hold back much longer. Her gaze was stuck on the ceiling, eyes straining against tears.

            “Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?” Cece sounded hurt. There was betrayal evident in her tone of voice. Jennel bit her lip.

            “Because I’m not, Cece.”

            “Okay.” Cece could understand that, but her sarcasm won over. “But you’re just dating our female mentor?” She tried to push the ice out of her voice, but she was still upset with Jennel.

            Jennel defensively rolls her eyes. “We’re not dating.” As soon as the words are out of her mouth she realizes she’s made a mistake provoking Cece. Anger flares up in the blonde’s eyes.

            “Okay Jennel. So explain to me what the fuck you’re doing then. What, is she fucking you on the side? Are you like her little “secret”?” Cece’s air quotes punctuated her words. “That’s cute, but last I checked she was running around with Wilmer. So what are you to her? A second choice, clearly.”

            Jennel felt like she was going to throw up. She gave up trying to fight tears, and didn’t make a sound as they poured down her cheeks while she pushed herself up. She paid no mind to Cece, whose resolve had broken, her face stained with guilt. Standing, she slipped her phone into her pocket and reached for the door handle. She wasn’t having this conversation. She wasn’t facing this reality. She didn’t need Cece to do any more damage.

            She had just started pulling the door open when Cece’s hand shot out from over her shoulder and pushed it back closed. Jennel spun around, facing the older girl, not bothering to hide the tears that were still falling.

            “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I—Jesus, that was fucked up and it wasn’t my place and I’m really—“ Cece wrapped her arms tightly around Jennel, but Jennel wasn’t having it. Her arms got caught in the hug and she tried to push Cece away, struggling to find the strength to break out of her hold. Cece only held her tighter, and Jennel had no choice but to fall into the hug, pressing her face in Cece’s shoulder and letting herself sob.

            “I don’t _know_ what we’re doing. We’re messing around, and I don’t know what I mean to her- I don’t _fucking_ know okay?” Jennel’s words were muffled and angry and distressed and it was all Cece could do to pull the tiny girl tighter and tighter into her arms. She dropped slowly to the floor, pulling Jennel down with her until they were sitting, arms still intertwined.

            “I’m so sorry Jennel. I swear I didn’t mean any of it, I swear.” Cece repeated. Jennel pulled away, leaning back against the doorway again.

            “It doesn’t matter if you meant it. It’s true anyway. It’s all fucking true.” Jennel’s eyes fell closed as she said the words aloud, admitting them to herself for the first time since the doubts had invaded her headspace.

            “I’m sorry for the shit I said. But you understand why I was mad?”

            “I should be the one apologizing.” Jennel replied sheepishly. “First of all, I needed to hear that. I don’t… I don’t know what else to say to you. I don’t have a good excuse, or an explanation. I just really need you to keep this a secret.”

            “I’m jealous, honestly.” Cece replied, dropping her head. “She’s Demi Lovato. I want her to like me. And I want to win.”

            “I know it makes it weird as far as the competition—“ Jennel wasn’t sure how she was going to explain that issue, and was grateful for Cece’s interruption.

            “I’m still pissed. And you’re an asshole. But… for two weeks, I haven’t noticed her playing any favoritism. If she can keep it that way, fine. But if I have to say something to her, I will.” Jennel entirely believed the thinly-veiled threat. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me though. I really thought we were closer than that.” The disappointment in Cece’s voice cut Jennel’s heart.

            “You’re not making this any easier for me.” Jennel pressed out. 

            Cece sighed heavily. “I’m still trying to process it, okay?”

            Jennel’s eyes fell closed again. “So am I.”

  


            Demi was half under her comforter, plugging her phone into her charger when it vibrated in her hand. She unlocked it without looking who it was from.

** Jennel (11:36PM): Cece knows **

****

            Demi took a deep breath in. If Jennel meant that Cece knew about… this could be really bad. The way Jennel phrased it rubbed Demi the wrong way. Like they’d been “found out”, like there was a “them” at all.

** Knows what? There’s nothing to know. **

****

** Jennel (11:38PM): She picked my phone up instead of hers this morning. She saw our texts from a few nights ago… **

            Demi’s eyes closed slowly, and she paused before opening them again.

** Can you convince her it was a joke? **

** Jennel (11:41PM): No it’s too late for that **

            _Why_ did this have to happen? Demi threw an arm over her eyes and dropped her phone next to her, trying to think of what the right next move would be.

** I can’t come over right now but just… talk to her. Don’t let her do anything rash. **

            Jennel’s hands moved to type before something gave her pause. Words that she wasn’t supposed to remember echoed in the back of her head. _So what are you to her? A second choice, clearly._ Was Demi with Wilmer? Jennel checked the time- almost midnight. She couldn’t stomach the thought of what they’d be doing together this late. She typed back a “ **She’s sleeping. Still kind of hungover from this morning. Will try.”**

**** Jennel waits for a reply for longer than is respectable. She pulls herself deep underneath her covers and sets her phone face up on the bed next to her pillow- she watches the numbers count up until the screen fades and then goes dark. Even her phone knows Demi isn’t answering tonight. She feels sleep pulling at her eyes but she pushes herself to hold them open for a few minutes longer. She’s so tired that she doesn’t realize she’s almost pining after Demi now, try her absolute hardest to stay awake for a text that probably won’t hold any real meaning to it anyway. She clicks the button on her phone and reads the clock- it’s been twenty-three minutes. She sighs, pushes her phone under her pillow, and flips onto her back.

            Something had happened last night. She’d forgotten about it all in light of the entire Cece fiasco, but now it was something she wasn’t sure she fully understood. They’d had some kind of moment. A _moment_ that clearly had scared off Demi. Jennel wasn’t really sure how she felt about it- she knew that what she and Demi were doing wasn’t supposed to include any _moments_ , it was supposed to be fun and casual and whatever else. Were they naïve to think they could pull that off? Probably. Jennel tried to rationalize why _she_ wasn’t freaking out in the same way Demi did. She hadn’t planned for this thing they had to turn into anything more than a dumb little fling, but here she was trying not to admit to herself that she fully enjoyed the less-than-casual moment they had shared last night.

            Jennel pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes, trying to block everything out. This is what her fling with Demi was doing to her. She fell asleep every night drowning in stress and worry- and she hadn’t even begun to think about the competition yet. She was getting horribly distracted, and she was getting less sleep than she should. She consciously knew that she needed to stop what she was doing with Demi, for both of their benefits. But Jennel also knew that there was absolutely no merit to any of her thoughts- she couldn’t stay away from Demi if she tried.

            Jennel woke up the next day feeling okay. The usual amount of stress had its fingers around her neck, but she was determined to forget it all, for at least a day. She found Ally and Normani in the kitchen first thing in the morning, and Cece joined the three moments later. Conversation was difficult at first, but having the two other girls not know about the tensions that Cece and Jennel shared was a good excuse for pretending that everything was completely normal.

            When Cece left, little more had changed than some more-serious-than-usual eye contact, and Jennel felt good about the situation. She spent the rest of her day with the girls of Fifth Harmony trying to find something productive to do. They began by trying to watch every movie in the mansion but it only took one and half two-hour movies for the six girls to get restless and find something else to do. Demi was on Jennel’s mind more than she would have liked to admit, and Ally could sense her distraction. She made a comment to Jennel along the lines of “needing to distress” and “loosening up”, and tried her hardest to help Jennel out. By late afternoon all they had done was take a lot of stupid pictures, sing Britney Spears songs way too loudly, order pizza (twice), and had piggyback races down the longest hallways that they could find (Dinah and Jennel won every time).

            It was a day for doing stupid things for no reason and for acting like a kid again simply because she could, and when Jennel finally climbed the stairs to her room and then the ladder to her bunk, she was significantly less stressed out than she had been when she woke up. Not much had been solved, but the day had gone in her favor and she was reminded that she had good friends and a good chance at success as far as X Factor.

            She pulled her phone from the pocket that she’d almost forgotten she had put it in, and reached for her charger as she scooted farther beneath her comforter. Unlocking her phone, Jennel paused. She’d purposely been avoiding checking her phone all day, and for most of the day had even forgotten to check it, but now the reality of having zero new text messages was hitting her like a punch in the gut. Her heart fell a bit, and then she began feeling anxious. Had she fucked up? Was Demi mad at her because Cece found out? She unlocked her phone and opened a new message, but stopped herself before she could address it to Demi. She shouldn’t be so worried about this. She was starting to sound like a needy boyfriend. _Or—girlfriend, I suppose._ Debating it for a moment in her mind, Jennel ultimately decided that she was not going to be the one to text Demi. They had a day off, and there was no real reason for them to be talking today anyway. She didn’t have any right to feel like she missed her mentor so much. Right?

            Jennel woke to a new message from Demi, the timestamp indicating it had been sent at almost two in the morning the night before. It was nothing more than a few little pictures of stars and a moon, Demi’s signature way of saying goodnight without sounding too emotionally invested. Jennel knew she did it on purpose, but she couldn’t make herself care. She tried not to stare at the tiny pictures in the message and smile but she couldn’t help herself. Something about the idea of Demi thinking of her, even in the littlest context, put a tiny little flutter in her heart. She tried to push it away as she closed the message and dragged herself out of bed to prepare for rehearsals.

Her morning routine with Cece hadn’t seemed to change, and the two of them dressed and stumbled over each other and did their unique little dance around each other while trying to prepare for the day as usual. They playfully fought over the bathroom and the mirror, and Cece’s mascara (which Jennel had tried to steal once). Dressed and ready, Cece got to the door just before Jennel and stopped as she grabbed the doorknob. Turning back to Jennel, the atmosphere changed to something serious and Jennel internally groaned as she realized they were about to _talk_ about something. She could guess what.

“Ready?” Cece asked uncharacteristically.

“Uhh… yeah?” Jennel replied, confused. She stepped forward as though ready to go through the door, but Cece put an arm out and stopped her.

“I don’t want this to be weird. Does she know?” She asked, making direct eye contact with the shorter girl.

“Yeah, she knows.” Jennel sighed.

“Is it gonna be weird?” Cece asked, sounding legitimately concerned.

“I don’t know. Not if we don’t make it weird.” Jennel replied, trying to be honest.

Cece sighed heavily before straightening her back as though bracing herself for what was ahead. “Let’s go.”

Jennel watches Cece’s rehearsals from the wings, and feels a twinge of envy as Cece nails her entire performance only the second time through. Demi didn’t stop her even _once_ \- something that had been unheard of to the Young Adults up until this point. Cece ends her last note with a fierce look on her face that quickly turns into a massive smile. Demi hops up the few stairs to stage and high fives Cece, her own face lit up as well. Jennel watches the conversation between the two of them. She catches herself smiling hard at the look on Demi’s face: all pride and happiness and excitement. She tries to pull the grin off of her own face but it remains in her eyes, a little sparkle that she doesn’t want there but can’t seem to fight off. When Demi turns away from Cece and does an excited little fist pump that she thinks nobody can see, Jennel is sure that her heart is going to explode. Seeing Demi look _that_ happy is a rarity, and something that Jennel has learned to entirely appreciate.

Demi greets Jennel just as she greets Cece, with no more or less emotion, besides the pride in Cece that may have spilled over just a bit. Jennel’s rehearsal goes as it usually does- she starts off a bit shaky but gains her confidence after a few run-throughs. Internally she’s jealous that she couldn’t live up to Cece’s spectacular performance just before her, but she tries to focus all of that emotion into her voice.

 She’s distracted. Demi keeps stopping her and waving her hands around while she talks and pushing her fingers through her hair, and Jennel is just having a lot of trouble focusing on her responsibilities as a contestant. She knows that Demi can tell, and she doesn’t want her to think that their… _thing_ is getting in the way of the competition, so Jennel tries hard to pull herself together and appear as though she’s not semi-drooling over Demi during her rehearsals.

It’s not easy, but she gets through the rehearsal, and by the end she’s mentally exhausted. Demi was demanding nothing less than perfection of her contestants, considering there were so few of them left, and Jennel’s resolve has been known to crumble on days like today when Demi had her restart her song a dozen times. She feels like she needs a nap, or at least to just lay down somewhere and try to forget that she’s competing for millions of dollars.

She’s just escaping the stage, water bottle in one hand, phone in the other, when Demi catches up to her.

“Go to lunch with me.” She smiles.

Jennel tries to feel offended at the way Demi _orders_ her to lunch, but instead she finds herself sitting across the table from Demi at a little sandwich shop with two elderly customers and a woman behind the counter who looks like somebody’s grandmother. They’re only sitting for a few minutes before the woman comes over to take their orders, and Jennel begins to wonder if she’s the only employee.

Demi orders soup and laughs as the waitress pressures Jennel into getting some kind of Panini with ‘ _You’ll love it hon I promise’_ s and ‘ _My grandmother’s recipe. It’s good for the soul, nothin’ like it anywhere else in this whole state’_ s.

“She’s great.” Demi smiles, nodding towards the waitress as she left with their orders.

“She doesn’t seem like she belongs in LA.” Jennel commented.

“Technically we’re about ten minutes outside of the city right now. I came here once on the way to a shoot and the place was dead- nobody recognized me. This is probably the fourth or fifth time I’ve been here and so far it’s stayed quiet.”

Jennel didn’t answer for a moment, imagining what life must be like for Demi. Finding somewhere to go for lunch where you weren’t forced to take pictures and sign autographs was a blessing. Getting in a car and getting thirty minutes out of the city without any paparazzi following you meant it was a good day. Turning the radio on to your own song playing was a natural occurrence. The last one she could definitely learn to live with, but Jennel couldn’t imagine her daily routine including all kinds of secret transportation to avoid strangers with cameras and the stress of interviews and tabloids twisting your words.

What they were doing was more dangerous than Jennel had let herself realize. They were hooking up secretly, which, to anybody else, was a pretty big secret. But it didn’t occur to Jennel that this was _massive_ for Demi. What if word somehow got out? The public was thrown into frenzy every time Demi was seen walking near a guy they didn’t recognize, let alone kissing one. And a _girl?_ The media would crucify her. The seriousness of the situation scared the hell out of Jennel, but simultaneously gave her a little burst of happiness. Demi was risking a lot. And Demi was risking it for Jennel.

“Helllloooo.” Demi drawled, pulling Jennel out of her thoughts.

“Sorry, just… a little stressed out.” Jennel replied, smiling innocently.

“You’re doing well.” Demi encouraged, thinking that Jennel was worried about the competition. “But I don’t wanna talk about any of that while we’re here.”

Jennel was lost, misinterpreting Demi’s words. “About what?”

“The competition.” Demi pushed. “Was that not what you were just zoning out about?”

Jennel began racking her brain for excuses and let out a sigh of relief when the waitress appeared at the table with a massive bowl of soup and some kind of flat, melted sandwich that Jennel immediately was glad that she ordered.

They talked casually, like friends who were simply out to lunch, and it confused Jennel. It could be a date, but it also could _not_ be a date. Logically, she knew that it wasn’t anything like a date, because they weren’t dating. They weren’t even _talking_ as though they were dating. They weren’t even a ‘they’. They just occasionally hooked up for the fun of it. Or something.

Jennel spent the entire time vaguely wondering when they were going to have to face what was in front of them. Demi had asked her here to talk to her about something, she knew that. But as the conversation pressed on, there wasn’t any big moment or reveal or heavy question. They’d both finished eating, and Jennel started getting more and more confused. The check would be coming somewhat soon, so whatever Demi had wanted to talk about she really needed to do now. What was the purpose of this? Where was the ‘talk’ they had to have?

The bill came as two separate checks, one of which Jennel had fully, 100% planned on paying for. Demi had other plans.

“No, no no no.” She scolded, snatching Jennel’s check from her as the younger girl reached for her purse.

“What? You’re not paying for my lunch, stop.” Jennel fought back, reaching for the check.

“Uh, yes I am.” 

Demi said it with so much finality that Jennel knew arguing would be entirely pointless. But _what the hell?_ Jennel wondered to herself. Demi took Jennel out to lunch just to take her out to lunch? That didn’t make any sense.

She hopped back into the passenger side of Demi’s dark SUV and wondered if maybe this was it. Demi chickened out, was too afraid to tell her that they couldn’t... 'hang out' anymore during lunch, so she’d tell her now on the car ride home. 

But nothing came. Instead, the car ride home was filled with loud laughing and loud singing and even louder music. It wasn’t until they pulled into the driveway of the mansion that Jennel’s earlier fears resurfaced. She should just get out now, say thank you and run inside before she had to deal with whatever it is Demi took her out to tell her. But then Demi made some comment about the mansion and how jealous she was that Jennel gets to live with a bunch of other people, and that turned into Demi talking about how lonely she gets alone in her own apartment sometimes, which in turn caused the conversation to drag on for another fifteen minutes.

They’d been sitting in the car for close to a half an hour when Jennel realized that she should probably invite Demi inside. But then the thought of ‘inviting her inside’ turned into something entirely different and suddenly Jennel was terrified that asking Demi to come inside would sound like _asking her to come inside._ She gave in.

“I should really probably go…”

“Oh shit, we’ve been out here for almost half an hour. Sorry about that.” Demi laughed. She wasn’t sorry at all.

“No problem. You can come inside if you want?” Jennel asked. She made the phrasing as innocent as she could. Demi was completely unaware that the question could have possibly held any sort of double meaning.

“I’d love to, but I really should be getting home too.” She replied, shrugging disappointedly.

Jennel nodded in understanding and then paused before opening the door. What happened now? There was a beat of uncomfortable silence before she turned towards Demi, and the two of them made eye contact. She fought an intense internal battle trying to stop herself from leaning over to kiss Demi goodbye. They kissed all the time, it would only be natural right? Except that Jennel was already unsure of where exactly they stood, and they had basically just gone on a date. She didn’t know why she wanted this so badly.

Demi could see it in Jennel’s eyes. She didn’t want this to be a goodbye kiss, because goodbye kisses were for couples. But she wanted to kiss Jennel. A lot.

Demi threw mixed signals to the wind, unclipped her seatbelt, and leaned forward to press her lips to Jennel’s. Instead, she misinterpreted the angle and leaned directly into the gearshift, unable to lean all the way into Jennel’s seat. Demi looked down at the gearshift, laughing and shutting her eyes in mild embarrassment. Jennel, having seen the advance coming, laughed and leaned the rest of the way in.

They kissed, but something was different about this kiss. They were both still smiling when their lips met, and something as simple as a small smile managed to change the entirety of the situation. They’d kissed a lot, but this one was unlike any of the others. Demi pulled back as though she’d been shocked, and Jennel suddenly understood. Demi had run from Jennel’s room for the same reason only a few nights ago- the moment their little set-up escalated from physical to anything emotional, Demi was entirely withdrawn.

Jennel was looking straight back at Demi, whose eyes had gone wide. She felt like she was about to have an anxiety attack. She wanted Jennel gone, she wanted to go home and pretend that the kiss, the entire lunch hadn’t happened. She wanted to forget that she and Jennel were messing around, she wanted to call Wilmer. She wasn’t sure what came next. She and Jennel had just shared a kiss that had accidentally been _much_ more than casual, and she needed Jennel to realize that it wasn’t okay, that she wasn’t okay with the direction they seemed to be heading in.

Jennel wasn’t having any of it. She wanted to kiss Demi, casually, not casually, whatever. She leaned a bit farther in, and reached out towards Demi, placing a finger under her chin. There was a light smirk on Jennel’s face as she realized that for maybe the first time, she was the one in charge here. She led Demi’s face back towards her own and connected their lips for the second time. It was soft and it was hot and Jennel’s hand slipped back into Demi’s hair for a moment. She wanted to smile again when she felt Demi finally give in, melt into it, and give as much as Jennel was taking.

Jennel removed her hand from Demi’s hair and lightly ghosted her fingers down Demi’s cheek as they kissed. This wasn’t merely physical, and this wasn’t like anything they’d done before.

But Demi didn’t pull back.


End file.
